Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts

Friday, September 27, 2013

Growing a Green Thumb

If there is one thing I’ve learned this year that has forever changed my outlook of things, it is this: Green Thumbs are planted.


Up until Meals with Morri transformed my perception of health and food, I never really sought to answer the question, “Where does our food come from?” We go to the supermarkets and farmers markets, many of us not realizing the time and effort it takes for such things to get onto our plates. Sure, perhaps I had this inkling when I visited Hollin Farms and saw the pumpkins on the vines and the various root vegetables in the ground. But there was this disconnect of understanding the concept of gardening for me, believing farmers (both in the rural and urban sense) and people who could grow herbs on their porch to have this niche I just didn’t inherit. Most of my caring for flora had turned dry and brown and… well, dead. So at an early age, I thought I was a serial killer for all of green-kind.

That changed in college. I kept a couple of plants sporadically throughout my undergraduate studies, mostly the seasonal potted plants from Trader Joe’s. I was able to keep a clover plant alivelonger than I had expected, and it then transitioned to a series of succulents, a spider plant, and then a lavender plant. Except for the clover plant, the first of my Green Thumb experiments, the rest are alive and well based on this crucial secret: the amount of sun, water, and soil type a happy plant makes.


 The year 2012 was a crucial point in my Green Thumb Development. Although I was adamant about having a garden, I didn’t feel confident enough to try; instead, I began reading all I could about the where’s, how’s, why’s, and when’s of food production and gardening. “Sustainable development” was the term I fell in love with and desire to understand all I could to combine certain aspects of food and the conflict resolution discipline. I studied urban farming, vertical gardening, the controversy of GMO politics, food security, hunger, and the “local movement”.

By 2013, Grad School was in full swing and Meals with Morri was put on the back burner in the worst way. For someone to go at it full-time, sacrifices are made on how many hours you work, how often you see friends and family, when you can travel and for how long, and downtime. (And blogging? Forgetaboutit.) I was an emotional wreck during the spring semester, and I was so burnt out by the summer that I didn’t have the energy to do anything. Frustration and anger simmered beneath the surface, with the feeling of hopelessness and total lack of control constantly looking me in the mirror. I began doubting everything, especially my ability and readiness for what awaits me after graduation: Do I have the knowledge to be part of a collaborative process in food security and policy? Will I have a career that I believe in?

At the end of May, what with finals finishing and summer school starting, I took up gardening and the Insanity Workout challenge to deal with the depression that began to form. I meant to talk about both months ago (including said depression), but the more I fell in love with both concepts and the more the situational depression darkened my disposition, the more quiet I became about it. In truth, I was afraid that if I wrote about the processes and failed en route, there would be a documented reminder of those failures for the entire world to see, and thus creating one more reason to be upset. My friends and family knew about both exploits, but I wanted to post the finished products (in other words, the triumphs) on the site.


But I saw both experiments through, and I am extremely proud of myself for that. I finished Insanity after ten weeks (still doing it from time to time, although not as religiously as the 6x weekly schedule), and I started that garden I always wanted. “There are worse things to do during Grad School,” Mama Dazz had said a joke, because when I am set to do something, I do it (and this can be positive and negative, depending on the context).
 
That being said, it all started with dirt.

Correction: It all started with one thousand pounds of dirt.


Mama Dazz gifted me with ten tree planter containers, in the logic that container gardening was easier to manage and you could control the type of soil you worked with. I initially started with small plants ready for transfer (nothing fancy… just Home Depot purchases): two tomato plants, three pepper plants, two garlic cloves (from the store), one cucumber plant, one okra plant, seven sweet potato plants, and a series of herbs that I thought would be good for beginners. I also transplanted my elderberry bush into one, and after it finally assimilated to the outdoors, it began to thrive beautifully.

I used two cinderblocks to plant flowers from packets I bought from MOM’s Organic Market, and a plastic container to grow bell peppers from seeds we got at Trader Joe’s. I also simply planted a whole pumpkin into the ground last fall to see if it would be as successful as the accidental garden I had the year before…  you know, just for giggles.


To reiterate, I didn’t do this to eat what I grew, but to go through the process of tending to different kinds of plants and learning what helps them grow or causes them to fail. Both the cucumber and pumpkin plants didn’t turn out so well. I got one cucumber from the plant early in the summer, but after that the little cucumbers that could were consistently shriveling up. The pumpkin created beautiful leafs and flowers until the white spots formed and the flowers were falling off. The vine showed signs of rot, and thus I gave it (along with my cucumber plant) a proper burial in my compost pile.


The nightshades were the most successful and the easiest to grow. So successful, in fact, that both tomato plants are heavy with fruit and the peppers popular among the pests. 




The sweet potatoes were my instant gratification harvest; even though the tubers were relatively small, I still enjoyed pulling them up from the soil and seeing what ninety days in the soil did for their growth.



Gardening gives me a sense of responsibility and control while dealing with stress. It’s a meditation of sorts to go outside in the morning and/or in the late afternoon, turn on the hose and do my rounds (starting with the quince tree I got Mama Dazz, refilling the birdbath, and then watering my garden). I feel empowered that I can work with plants and learn how they succeed and how they perish.

I feel my Green Thumb rooting itself in my consciousness for the future, and that future is currently looking into beets, winter greens, carrots, and radishes for a December harvest.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

My Boyfriend, The Vegetarian

His being vegetarian isn’t his only redeeming quality. He’s smart, funny, compassionate, handsome, and he believes in our relationship. He believes in making us work as much as I do. 

Air & Space Museum (see us?)

For the better part of 2013, he was my best-kept secret. Only a handful of people in my family and friendship circles even knew we were dating.  In fact, let me narrate the following conversation between my cousin and I:

Her: So Morri, I saw from Facebook that your relationship started in December of last year (we had made it Facebook official in August).
Me: (sheepish grin forming) Yeah, about that…
Her: So my question is… Why didn’t you tell me?

Or, better yet, I would mention him in passing and people would say, “Woah, woah! Hold the phone! Your boyfriend?!”

In truth, with my last relationship ending last year and being absolutely devastated by it, I was hesitant to bring this one under the Meals with Morri radar. In my logic, it was kind of like tattooing your sweetheart’s name onto your body, daring the Universe to do its worst. But the more and more we talked and spent time together (he was abroad for the majority of our relationship, teaching in Italy) over the summer, the more confident I felt that this was the person I wanted to be with as my partner. 

Our First Mead.

The ultimate lesson I am getting from this relationship is taking things in stride. Nothing is rushed. For the first time I didn’t feel like I had to be going one million miles a minute, and it was a glorious feeling to sleep in, watch Babylon 5, and make delicious food. 

Gluten Free Chicago-style Pizza

... Or at least delicious messes.

Pumpkin Uh-oh Waffles

That’s the other lesson I learned: cooking is extremely important to me when it comes to love. When he came to visit in December, he taught me to make cheese from scratch. It was the sort of moment, watching us cook together in perfect synchronization in an out-of-body sort way, that I realized I wanted this relationship to work with all my heart. I realized I was in love with him.

Koester Potatoes with fresh dill from my garden

I’ve also come to understand that there is no limitation to how much you love someone. I know this because I find ways to fall in love with him more and more each day. I find that even with hard conversations, I feel better for having them. We work to come up with solutions and not argue about who is right. We turn little things into traditions, like Waffle and Koester potatoes on Saturdays or reading to each other during long drives. We teach each other our passions, such as his love for chemistry, philosophy, and all things geektastic and my love for cooking, health, and conflict resolution.

Finally, besides "Communication! Communication! Communication!", cooking together has become my favorite pastime with him. It’s the thing I hope we never grow out of and continues bringing us together. 

Veggie Sushi with Adzuki Bean Miso and Onion Soup

So the secret is out: I have a partner. One who loves peanut butter as much as I do. One who loves being in the kitchen and wearing silly aprons. One whose family is as supportive of our being together as much as mine. One who showed me the fascinating world of DnD and vegetarian cuisine. One who wants to take me places. One who makes me nourishing food when I'm feeling less than awesome. One who is all for this adventure we call a relationship.

Us.

Now, I'm not sure if I will go full throttle vegetarian at this point, but at the moment my body is enjoying limiting meat from my diet in exchange for eggs, cheese, beans, and high protein gluten free grains. We'll see how it goes. 

Monday, December 3, 2012

Have Yourself a Merry Little December

I’m one of those people who start the holidays right when I wake up to the December 1st morning. Pandora is devoted to secular holiday music with songs sung by The Rat Pack, Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Bing Crosby, and many others. The Christmas lights are shining brightly around our doorway, inviting good cheer to everyone who enters our home. This week is devoted to getting into the Yuletide spirit, putting the tree up and decorating, preparing for finals, and cooking up a plethora of winter based recipes.

In the last month of the year 2012, I have been looking at past blog posts and life decisions fervently, awed by how much has changed and inspired by how far I’ve come. I’ve found my passions in food have surpassed my expectations and evolved into something leaning towards sustainable development, urban agriculture, the local and organic movements, gardening, and “know your farmer”. My fitness regimen in the form of rock climbing and yoga, although sometimes appearing lack in progress at times, has conditioned my body (and spirit) in ways I couldn’t have imagined when I first started.

And in December of last year, I couldn’t imagine being a successful graduate student, let alone being accepted to the graduate school program. My acceptance letter came last week, and already plans for the spring semester are being laid out to balance all the loves in my life. I’m currently working on time management week by week, only because the semester is almost over. But goodness, I’m an official S/CAR graduate student… Me. Accepted.

Holy cow.

So while I hum to Ella Fitzgerald’s version of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”, I figured to honor my acceptance by making socca, a food I’d fallen in love with over a year ago but haven’t made another recipe since my "Happy Herbivore Tendencies" post. That’s way too long a break in between without socca, I say, and started thinking of a recipe to share. I wanted to use up the remaining pumpkin puree in the fridge, but I was also hankering for an old school peanut butter and banana sandwich.

Let’s just say my craving was more than satisfied, and that pumpkin works beautifully with peanut butter and banana.

Pumpkin Socca

120 g Garbanzo bean flour
180 ml Filtered water
5 ml Whey (optional)*
240 g Pumpkin puree
1/2 tsp. Sea salt
30 g Butter (for a dairy free and vegan version, you could use coconut/olive oil)

In a small mixing bowl, stir the flour, water, and whey until thoroughly combined and let it sit overnight on the counter.
Add the pumpkin and sea salt while melting the butter on medium heat in a cast iron skillet; once beginning to brown, drizzle the excess fat into the batter.
Pour the batter into the skillet and treat it like you would a pancake, either flipping over or using the broiler to cook the other side.
Turn off the heat and transfer it onto a plate to cool slightly (the inside is delicious custard when hot and solidifies as it cools). 
Cut into quarters, bars, or squares to enjoy as you like and serve warm.

Makes 2 servings.

Socca is a great bread substitute to make sandwiches. For two peanut butter and banana soccawiches, slice the socca in half, smear 2 tbsp. peanut butter (or any nut butter of your choice) and slice one ripe banana thinly on one side of the socca. Fold the other side on top and cut the socca again so you have two – four sandwiches on a plate. Enjoy with a glass of milk (dairy free or otherwise). 

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Playing with Paleo: A Delicious Birthday Experiment

The autumn storms have rolled in and brought with them that crisp air I love so much. Pumpkin and apples are in ample supply, and baking is becoming a coming occurrence in my household. With my Masters application officially submitted, I’ve exhaled this breath I had apparently been holding. Along with other hard lessons digesting from September, October is looking to be one creative and relaxed sort of month (save for midterms, of course).

The best part of fall is the flavor selection. We have foods that warm and fill us, sweet and savory ingredients that come together in a symphony of delights, and the oven always seems to be preheated and ready to go. To add to that, fall is the season I become very adventurous in my recipes.
 
Over the weekend I celebrated my two best friends’ birthdays. J and TJ, a ridiculously adorable couple, have been so supportive and loving as I pieced together what had been causing my recent stress, and visiting them (individually and together) always lightens my heart and brightens my day.

What was left of the piñata...

So when I was approached with the challenge to make a Paleo dessert for TJ, a lover of pumpkin and cheesecake, my Creative Mind’s gears starting turning.

In place of cream cheese and butter, because TJ is lactose intolerant, I looked for ways to make turn raw, dehydrated coconut flakes into “cheese” with a creamy nut butter consistency. (How did I do it? Read on for the link in the directions.) For the crust, almond meal and coconut oil was used to make it grain-free and dairy-free, and it had a marvelous crushed graham cracker taste and consistency.

 It was a delicious experiment, and one that will only get better over time. As for TJ and J?

They loved it.

Paleo Pumpkin Birthday "Cheese"cake

For the crust:
240 g Almond meal
64 g Honey
1/2 tsp. Cinnamon
120 g Coconut oil, melted

For the filling:
500 g Homemade coconut “butter”
425 g Pumpkin puree
3 Large eggs
400 g Honey
Juice of 1 Lemon
1 tsp. Bourbon vanilla extract
1/2 tsp. Cinnamon
1/4 tsp. Nutmeg
1/4 tsp. Ginger
Sea salt, to taste (optional)

Preheat the oven to 350ºF.
In a medium bowl, combine the almond meal, honey, cinnamon, and melted coconut oil. (If a little wet, add a little more almond meal until it is soft but stable to the touch.)
Press the mixture throughout a greased 9-inch pie pan until evenly covered, and then set aside.
If you do not have homemade coconut butter on hand, proceed to Chocolate Covered Katie’s blog to learn how to make your own, and then add it to the remaining ingredients for the filling in another medium bowl to mix.
Pour the filling in the center of the pie pan and spread it evenly.
Cover the crust with aluminum foil to prevent burning and bake at the center of the oven for one hour.
Remove from the oven and let it sit for 2 – 4 hours until room temperature and then let chill in the fridge for an additional 2 – 4 hours or overnight before serving.
Serve cold.

Makes 8 – 16 servings.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Going Homemade!: Nut & Seed Butters

In the course of a week, the chest cold and the coughing has taken its toll. My physical body’s condition, while less than ideal, has not affected my mental or emotional health. I am more driven than ever to do the things I need to do day-to-day to ultimately get to where I want to go. I’m letting go of old habits, donating material possessions to others who need them more than I do, and cleaning up both externally and internally.

I may be coughing and not able to climb or practice Vinyasa, but I’m quite happy with my life. My first week of school gave me the impression that I was exactly where I needed to be, having professors and peers that are going to challenge and inspire me, introduce me to a higher level of learning and observation, and look on as I enhance my knowledge of conflict resolution.

So, with all this going on in a such a short span of time, I am quite behind in recipes. I spent the majority of my days sleeping and reading, slurping soup and drinking tea. I did not venture outside the home only when completely necessary, and even then it was for quick errands. The kitchen was my haven in creating warm meals and drinks, but I didn’t have the energy to ready my camera and position the lens, let alone writing down the recipes. But I have a feeling September will be the month to start the fall off with an abundance of recipes and insights, adventures near and far, and yours truly back in the peak of health.


For three weeks, I’ve yet to buy nut butter, canned beans, and kefir, and revel in how different they taste when made from scratch. I don’t have digestive upsets because I’m soaking my legumes and grains (both in whey and apple cider vinegar). I’m buying the majority of my produce from farmers markets and am pleasantly surprised how much fuller and more nourished I feel. Coffee is slowly being removed from my system, and I’m starting to actually hear what my body is saying.

In all of these changes, I hear it say “Thank you.”

 “Keeping your body healthy is an expression of gratitude to the whole cosmos - the trees, the clouds, everything.” (T. N. Hanh)

The thing with making your own nut butters and spreads is how vast the amount of different recipes you can come up with. As I said, I haven’t bought nut butter in three weeks, all because of these recipes:

Roasted Salted Almond Butter (an Ashley classic at the Edible Perspective)

280 g Raw, unsalted almonds
1/2 tsp. Sea salt

Preheat the oven to 300ºF.
Spread the almonds on a large baking sheet lined with parchment paper.
Roast for 22 minutes, until golden brown and aromatic, stirring 2 to 3 times.
Remove and add to your food processor and process, scraping down the sides as necessary.
Process for 6 – 12 minutes, continuing to scrape as needed. 
Once it is smooth and creamy, add the salt and process for another minute or so until it is at the desired consistency.

Makes 10 servings.

This recipe was the beginning of the end for me. An end of buying pre-made nut butters forever. It was so simple and tasted so different than its plastic-jarred cousin, I had to see what else I could make. My Creative Mind called for a challenge: a nut-free spread. Alas, I ate it all before snapping a photo, but I will definitely be making sunflower seed butter and pepita spread respectively.

Multi-Seed Nut-free Butter

150 g Pepitas, raw and unsalted
150 g Sunflower seeds, raw and unsalted
1/2 tsp. Sea salt
12 g Sesame seeds
10 g Chia seeds
2 g Poppy seeds

Preheat the oven to 300ºF.
Spread the pepitas and sunflower seeds on a large baking sheet lined with parchment paper.
Roast for 22 minutes, until golden brown and aromatic, stirring 2 to 3 times.
Remove and add to your food processor and process, scraping down the sides as necessary.
Process for 6 – 12 minutes, continuing to scrape as needed. 
Once it is smooth, add the remaining ingredients and process for another minute or so until it is at the desired consistency.

Makes 10 servings.

This is certainly an experiment worth trying, especially for those who can handle seeds but not nuts in their diet. It was savory in taste, but it tasted wonderful on fruits and grains regardless.

Finally, I decided to work with walnuts. I was delighted by the marvelous consistency it has as a spread, and how little time it took to liquify in the food processor!  It has a strong flavor, but I loved that particular quality.


Sweet Cinnamon Walnut Butter

300 g Raw, unsalted walnut pieces
1/2 tsp. Sea salt
1/2 tsp. Cinnamon
Stevia, to taste (optional)

Preheat the oven to 300ºF.
Spread the walnut pieces on a large baking sheet lined with parchment paper.
Roast for 22 – 25 minutes, until golden brown and aromatic, stirring 2 to 3 times.
Remove and add to your food processor and process, scraping down the sides as necessary.
Process for 3 – 5 minutes, continuing to scrape as needed. 
Once it is smooth, add the remaining ingredients and process for another minute or so until it is at the desired consistency.

Makes 10 servings.

Stay tuned for more nut/seed butters and spreads! If you have any cool combinations of flavors (say, Curry Almond Butter or Pumpkin Spice Pecan Butter) you want me to try, leave your suggestions in a comment below. Oh, and don’t forget to say what you have it with.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Updates, News, and Cool New Features

If you told me in April of last year how much Meals of Morri would grow, I would have been wide-eyed and incredulous. I look back at my old posts fondly and see so many wonderful things: how my photos have improved (although I am still learning); how my understanding of hypothyroidism has broadened; how rock climbing and yoga have changed my life; and finally, how my recipes have been seen all over the world.

It’s amazing and mind boggling and absolutely fantastic.

There are a couple of things I want my readers to be aware of in the next few weeks/months that I’m particularly excited about:
  1. Why my Fitness Page is m.i.a. (coming soon!): It is currently being updated to look a lot like my Health & Hypothyroidism page. I wasn’t really happy about my fitness log idea, because I would get so down on myself for not doing it exactly as I’d written. So what’s going in place of it, you’re asking? Rock climbing, yoga, and other fantastic activities I fall in love with along the way.
  2. A FAQ page (coming soon!): This is going to be your go-to page for any questions you may have in regards to my recipes, cookbook and product reviews, my blog, my health, and my photography. And if you find I don’t have an answer to a particular question, feel free to write me an email.
  3. Post variety: Besides recipes, I plan on doing more product reviews, video posts, organic gardening, foodie adventures, discussing what I find concerning thyroid function, fitness fun (how-to’s, places, and helpful hints), and non-recipe recipes (i.e., hair care, skin care, gluten free arts and crafts, etc.).

In the meantime, you can enjoy…
  1. Meals With Morri has a Facebook page: Yes! Finally, a place where you can be notified of recent posts, ask questions (and answer them), provide solid feedback for when I’m stumped on recipes, or write about what recipes you want to see on the site.
  2. Drinks, Smoothies, and Shakes: Remember when I said to enjoy those muffins while I was buying Vega One in bulk? Well, I meant it and it is due this week. As I fall more in love with rock climbing and yoga (that, and the hot summer months are just around the corner), I want to make sure that people remain hydrated with nutrient-dense drinks.

In fact, here is a smoothie recipe to get you started. It’s a green smoothie… with kombucha.

Ah, kombucha… a most refreshing fermented delight. What? You’ve never heard of kombucha? Well, let me enlighten you: it’s fermented tea. Pure and simple.

Some people may roll their eyes at my love for this stuff, because it’s become this “trend” in the alternative health world. But it has been around for a lot longer than hippies and New Age dippies. From the Qin Dynasty (221 – 206 BCE) in China who referred it as “a beverage with magical powers enabling people to live forever” to 19th century Russia’s “tea mushroom” (чайный гриб) and “tea kvass” (чайный квас), it is said to aid digestion and promote other awesome things for your overall well-being. I personally just love the stuff, and have two cultures on the kitchen counter living and fermenting green and black teas as we speak.


But until I can drink my own, I treat myself to a bottle of GT’s Kombucha. I’ve tried many of the flavors, and like every single one I’ve had. The one I have the most often, however, is the multi-green. I enjoy the “green” taste of it, and it is a perfect base for a green smoothie.  

Greener than Green Kombucha Smoothie

240 - 350 ml Kombucha* (I used G.T.’s multi-green)
1 Frozen banana
85 g Frozen spinach
1/4 Avocado

Place the ingredients in the blender and blend until thoroughly combined.
Pour in a large glass and serve cold.

Makes 1 serving.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Living to Eat Lemon Poppy Cupcakes

Sometimes I find myself in the middle of a holiday and am completely unaware of it passing me by. Mardi Gras is the perfect example of this, also known as Shrove Tuesday, or National Pancake Day, because I've missed it every year. I love food holidays, even if my birthday falls on National Fast Food Day. (Yeah... I'm going to fix that.) I also love Awareness Weeks and Months about food, because they can make creating recipes all the more special.


This recipe is special for a few reasons. With my Peanut Butter Poppy Sandwich Bread being so popular, particularly with those who eat a low-carb diet, one lamented to me how much they missed lemon poppy cupcakes with a buttercream frosting. I can happily say the recipe was a success, but this is only one of the reasons why it’s so special. The other, and the one I feel is slightly more significant, is to celebrate and honor Love Your Body Week (as known at GMU), also more commonly known as National Eating Disorders Awareness Week


(source)

Disordered eating is something that affects a large range of people: the super model and the all-star athlete, the average skinny Joe and the voluptuous Jane. Like all of us, disordered eating comes in all shapes and sizes. If we let it, it will consume us, starve us, hurt us, and make us feel in control even though we’re falling deeper into our own personal chaos. It will isolate us, shame us, and make us feel the opposite of what we expected to feel.

I bring up this rather dark subject because this is an extremely real situation that affects a lot of people. There are neighbors, family members, lovers, and friends of ours who are dealing with this every day. It’s not a joke, and telling them they could use a few more (or less) pounds or telling them they should eat more (or less) can be more hurtful than you realize. I should know; I’ve been there.

As a person who was rather plump as a kid, I decided to get healthy and in shape for the wrong reasons. It was to prove to another person, perhaps all of society, that I was worth something and that I was strong. After going gluten free, I became obsessed with what was healthy and what was not, literally having panic attacks after eating what I viewed as detrimental to my well-being. My well-being was synonymous with how much I weighed and what I saw in the mirror, and my minor case of something similar to Body Dysmorphic Disorder didn’t help things either.  I felt that if one bite of non-Morri friendly food entered my mouth, time would turn itself backward and I would go back to being that awkward girl who disliked the way she looked.

Cassie of Back to Her Roots wrote an amazing article titled “Don’t Call Me Skinny,” and why she feels “like size-based compliments aren’t doing our hard work justice.” It’s as true to her as it is to me when I feel there is nothing complimentary about the sentences, “Goodness, you’re tiny!” or “You could stand to gain a few pounds.”

To quote this amazingly strong, hazel-eyed brunette:
“It’s almost as if all the hard work I put into being strong and fit doesn’t matter. Because if skinny is the ultimate goal, I can get slimmer a lot quicker with a lot less work in other ways. I refuse to believe that just becoming smaller is the ultimate goal for anyone. So why should our compliments indicate that it is?”
Being thought of as “skinny” used to be my ultimate goal, and that’s why I was so miserable. I was getting fitter, yes, but I wasn’t dropping dress sizes left and right. I went from a size 12 to a size 8-10 in high school, and from a size 8 in pants to almost a size 0 in my first semester in college. During that time, I worked out by calorie loss and limited calorie intake. It progressed to calorie counting and food restriction, and then to Orthorexia. Thankfully, I met Cheryl before it went any further. After a year of seeing a nutritionist that focuses on holistic and gluten free living, I’m significantly better off than I was. I not only like myself… I LOVE myself, and it has nothing to do with my weight but everything to do with who I am as a person and how I live my life.

Also, I realize and honor the people compliment me on how I appear to them, and I am working at accepting their compliments graciously. If they see a compassionate, green-eyed, and petite warrior woman that cooks gluten free, loves to rock climb, and enjoys the little things, that’s awesome. There’s more to a person than the size of their waist or their weight on a scale.

So stay beautiful, my friends, both inside and out.

Bite-sized Lemon Poppy Cupcakes & Poppy Dream Frosting

For the cupcakes:
28 g Coconut flour
60 ml Coconut milk (high fat and quality) 
64 g Smooth peanut or almond butter
3 Large eggs
1 1/2 tsp. Bourbon vanilla extract
5 g Poppy seeds
Zest of 1 Lemon (preferably organic)
3 tsp. Fresh lemon juice
1/4 tsp. Baking soda
Stevia, to taste

Coconut oil, for greasing

Thoroughly combine the ingredients, sans the baking soda, in a medium-sized mixing bowl with an electric mixer on medium speed (or in a food processor).
Cover the mixture and let it chill for an hour or overnight in the fridge.
Preheat the oven to 350ºF.
Remove the batter from the fridge, add the baking soda, and let sit on the counter for a few minutes (until the oven is ready).
Grease the mini muffin pan with coconut oil at room temperature or cooking spray and set aside.
Spoon the batter into the tins, three-quarters of the way or up to the top, and place in the center of the oven to bake for 18 – 20 minutes.
When done, remove the cupcakes from the pan and place on a cooling rack until room temperature.

Makes 12 mini cupcakes. Serve with frosting.

Poppy Dream Frosting
30g Whipped cream cheese
30 ml Coconut milk, chilled into a thickened cream
10 ml Coconut oil
1/4 tsp. Bourbon vanilla extract
2 g Poppy seeds
Pinch of Sea salt

Mix together the ingredients until fully integrated.
Chill in the fridge for at least 10 minutes until ready to use.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Becoming a Gluten Free Athlete with Socca Tuna Melt

Motivation comes in many forms. Some use the “I’m doing this so I don’t have to do it for the rest of my life” approach. Others use the “I’m doing this to make other people happy” approach. But I prefer the “I’m doing this for me” approach. I’m writing this blog for me, and hopefully to help others along the way.


I lost substantial weight my first semester in college. It was to prove to myself (and my ex-boyfriend at the time) that I was worth something, to feel better about myself, and to take my mind off the many changes coming my way. I went from weighing 140 lbs to about 118 lbs in a matter of a semester, a size 8 in pants to almost a size 0, and still I wasn’t happy. I think this is where my obsession with exercising and “healthy” eating truly began, and it’s taken the better part of four years of healing and patience and support to get where I am today.

My disordered eating wasn’t about food. It was about control. What I did or didn’t put into my mouth or how long and how often I exercised were the ways to make me feel like I ran my life. Change was always around the corner, but my body was for me to control and no one else could take that away from me. That was my logic, but really, what good came from it? If I felt it wasn’t okay for anyone else to go to bed hungry because they had no other choice, how was it okay for me to go to bed hungry when there was always a well-stocked kitchen downstairs? What was the point of eating healthy and working out every other day when it was never enough? Not only that, but when you limit your caloric intake and exercise, it’s not only illogical… it’s freaking dangerous.

I’m telling you this because of what happened this morning. IB and I went on a slow run this morning, less than half an hour and under two miles. When we finally came back, my face was a deep red; I was nauseous and had tunnel vision even after gulping down water. We decided it was best if I lay down, though after a few moments I started to shake convulsively. It went away, but he was still concerned. He’d been a runner for years and never experienced this before, so he started researching.

I’ve been working with Cheryl Harris for nutrition guidance and life enrichment since February this year. I can look back and happily say there is progress. I’m eating between 1500 and <1800 calories a day instead of having a panic attack if I eat more than 1200 (and yes, this included the days I exercised). I’m giving my body what it wants immediately when it asks for it. There are days when I’m still hungry after I’ve eaten dinner, typically when I have a late class and pack food for myself, and I no longer grudgingly feed myself until I’m no longer hungry.

I learned a new mantra, one that I can tell myself should insecurity rear its ugly head. “Food is the fuel that keeps me going, and not the anchor that weighs me down.” How's that for deep?

I'm NOT holding myself down anymore.

Maybe I felt that, since I wasn’t what I pictured to be an “Athlete,” I could eat normally and still work out like a gladiator. That is, one hour of aerobic exercise, about half an hour of weights and other gym machines, and I’m not even counting all the walking I do on campus. If I want to go to the gym three to five times a week, I need to make sure my body has the fuel to do it. That means sleeping a full eight hours a night, drinking water, getting the right vitamins, and yes, eating. Perhaps a year ago if the Burt-man asked me “Do you want to be strong and solid (implying the possibility of weight gain) or a ninety-eight-pound weakling?”, I would have had to think about it. If I was honest with myself, I would have likely preferred the latter because I felt I’d rather be thin (implying beauty) than muscled and "stocky". But I know better now.

Beauty is found in a happy self, a body that gets what it needs and never wants. I still have a long way to go, but I’m not the person I was four years ago trying to be something that others would like. The next time I speak to Cheryl, I will focus on the Gluten Free Athlete perspective, and what measures I need to take in order to embody this persona safely, effectively, and happily. Michelle and Lori of Pure2Raw seem to have this concept down to a science.

Oh! And I’ve discovered a new blog, The Gluten Free Athlete. Something tells me I’m going to be visiting it often. But for now, I have a socca recipe for you, one that I gobbled up gleefully post-run. High in healthy fats and carbohydrates, my body felt like new.


Socca Tuna Melt

1 Socca Recipe
1 slice Gouda cheese, quartered
1/4 c. Canned tuna in olive oil, drained of excess oil
1 heaping tbsp. Fresh salsa 
1/2 tsp. Dijon mustard

Prepare and cook the socca (like so) and place it under the broiler.
Thoroughly blend together the tuna, fresh salsa, and mustard.
Remove the socca from the oven, flip over, and lay out the cheese on one side.
Top the cheese with the tuna mixture and fold the other side on top (like you would an omelet).
Place it under the broiler once more until the cheese is melted.

Cut it in half and serve with sour cream, a small salad, and carrot juice.

Serves 1.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Honesty, Health, and Stew Beef Enchiladas

The beauty of the human condition is how broad personal experiences can be, especially when there is a willingness to share them with others. That is one of the reasons I started this blog in the first place; I want to share what I’ve learned and reflect the impact reading what others have experienced.

And I want to do it every time I post.

My next post: Spiraling Spirulina Oatmeal

There are two bloggers who’ve each posted an entry that really struck home for me. Shauna of Gluten-Free Girl and the Chef wrote about the dark side of blogging (titled "warm brown rice and grilled vegetable salad"), about how people choose to use the anonymity of the Internet to be cruel, and basically make themselves feel all-powerful by using hurtful words in attempt to belittle another.

No one has done this to me through my blog, but after the house fell through, one of the landlords’ kids (and once a friend of mine) sent me a message through Facebook saying how dare I disrespect my roommates and her home. Her last statement was this: “Good luck finding an apartment. I hope it takes you months.” It’s not like she was outlandishly malicious or anything, because she was angry and that’s how she felt. I responded with an “I’m sorry you feel that way…” sort of spiel and said I found a place that was just what I needed. As of now I am commuting to school from home, and as the consequence of living at home, I am slowly moving and unpacking all my things in the manner to my liking. The boyfriend is staying in the guest bedroom, and as mentioned in my last post, I am happier than I’ve been in months.

In a matter of days, however, new friends filled the void, and it just keeps getting better and better. Misery loves company, and it doesn’t like those who soar high overhead above it. Shauna embodies that tenfold. She has a life filled to the brim with joy and prosperity that some envy and possibly resent, so they nitpick the most ridiculous of things just to bring her down to their level. But she doesn’t go down, not even a centimeter; she simply flies even higher.

Yesterday, Iris of The Daily Dietribe wrote a post titled “Does She Really Have a Food Sensitivity or is it an Eating Disorder?” As I was reading, I couldn’t help but think how much it related to my experiences, particularly when people give me that “look” when I tell them I can’t eat something they made especially for me. It sucks when I go over to a house and know I can’t eat much or anything being offered, because that means I have to deny a very intimate connection that food seems to offer interpersonally. It sucks that I have to be so anal and paranoid when I go to a restaurant (if at all), sometimes even eating beforehand so my stomach won’t grumble as I watch people enjoy their orders. And yes, sometimes I do wonder if I have an eating sensitivity or if it is purely a psychological malfunction, an eating disorder that manifests discomfort every time I accidentally consume something on my “Red” list. Maybe it’s a bit of both, but all I know is I feel better not eating wheat, soy, refined sugars, artificial flavors and sweeteners, anything processed, and weird chemically things found in food I can’t pronounce.

So do I have a form of disordered eating? Maybe. Probably. I certainly used to be: excessively counting calories, limiting food intake, exercising a certain amount of calories at a time (also known as exercise bulimia), and had panic attacks when something not Morri-friendly entered in my system without my knowledge. I’m part of a cooking club at the University (Café GMU), and to make up for my inability to eat anything, even when gluten-free bread like Udi’s is being provided, I help in the kitchen and make people laugh. Do I wish I could taste the food? Of course I do. I always do. I never binged on food I restricted from my diet, but I dream about it often. Why, just last night I dreamed of pita bread rising in the oven, and the night before I dreamed of eating a muffin, a gluten-filled muffin. Sometimes in my dreams I wonder why I bother being gluten-free, and I take a bite and savor the taste with every chew until I swallow. Seconds later, I panic, and wake up wondering if I really did eat it because of the vividness of the act. It’s better than my reoccurring zombie nightmares, but still, it is always a very uncomfortable and upsetting thing to dream about.

I’m telling you this because these two amazing and strong women have been upfront and honest with what they go through, the good and the bad. As for me, the idea of being honest about the struggles behind the scenes seems, well, unnerving. I’ve talked about disordered eating and fanatically exercising before, but I didn’t talk about the things beneath the surface. I never talked about my hypothyroid condition in length, or how my bowels and digestion were delicate and fickle. And because I was afraid of people I knew thinking what I wrote to be a “too much information” sort of thing, I didn’t mention my hormones being topsy-turvy because my menstrual cycle was either obscenely light or non-existent.

Well, I’m being honest now.

Last year, from May to about February, I went nine months with only one period from that summer up to coming back to Mason from my semester in Sweden. That was before I was diagnosed with a hypothyroid, and it may have been that I was simply not eating enough for my body to believe I wasn’t starving. Regardless, I felt less of a woman, and it impacted my life more I than I realized. That’s what happened on Friday; after a four-month hiatus, Lady Red came to town. Something shifted, and immediately I realized my down-in-the-dumps attitude was because of an extended version of pre-menstrual symptoms (a better terminology for PMS), that made me fatigued, in a funk, not wanting to fix what I could fix, and wanting to hide under the covers until it was all over. Suddenly I felt connected to the world and The Way. The stress went away and those little things that affected me so negatively don’t even exist anymore. I am able to keep up with my classes and still make time for CARmunity as Director of Student Representatives and Diplomatic Affairs in S/CAR. I have the energy to go to the gym and was pleasantly surprised that I wasn’t as bad off as I thought I was. The current I fought so hard against is flowing to my pace, and I am beyond ecstatic and feel amazing. 

Stew Beef Enchilada

1.5 lbs. Lean stew beef meat, cut into manageable chunks
1 can (14.5 oz) Diced tomatoes
1 tsp. Chili powder
1 tsp. Chipotle powder
1 tsp. Paprika
1 tsp. Cumin
1 tsp. Trader Joe’s smoked sea salt (or whatever salt you have on hand)
1/4 tsp. Cracked pepper
1 tbsp. Unsweetened cocoa powder
3 tbsp. Olive oil
1 Shallot
3 Garlic cloves
8 oz Filtered water
8 oz Riesling
1 1/2 Green zucchini (medium-sized), finely grated
2 Carrots, finely grated
10 oz Ricotta
1 can (14 oz) Black beans, drained
12 Trader Joe’s Corn Tortillas
2.5 oz Pecorino Romano, finely grated

Preheat the oven to 375ºF.
With a pressure cooker or large pot, grease the bottom generously with olive oil and cook the meat on medium-high heat.
Put in the blender the tomatoes, spices, oil, shallot, garlic, and the water and blender until thoroughly pureed.
After the outside of the meat is cooked, though still raw in the middle, put half of the sauce including the Riesling in with the meat and cover the pressure cooker or pot with the lid, and cook of medium-low heat for at least half an hour.
Using a fork or a wooden spoon, tear apart the stew beef chunks into individual strands.
Grease a deep 9x9” pan and start the layering process, beginning with 4 tortillas on the bottom, then veggies, ricotta, meat, and beans, repeating once more with some of the sauce splashed throughout.
Top with the last 4 tortillas, the remaining sauce, and the Pecorino Romano.
Bake for 45 minutes to an hour until the cheese has browned and the sauce is bubbling.

Makes 6 – 8 servings.

Monday, September 12, 2011

The Bento Box Snapshot: Saucy Boiled Chicken, Sesame Peas, and Sweet Potato

It was last Friday when the Cosmos made everything right again, and the weekend when everything began falling into place. My whole perspective was given a one-eighty, and I was back to the Morri that found life grand, didn’t sweat the small stuff, and laughed often.


After what seemed like months, perhaps semesters long, I finally feel settled and back into the rhythm of things.

This is my first Bento Box Snapshot with Cheryl Harris’s perspective on my meals when I’m at campus all day. So I’ve altered how I packed my Bento Box, mainly because my love of veggies made it colorful but very low in calories. From now on my veggies will be packed in another container (or in a plastic bag). She had also advised me to pack a hard-boiled egg, a piece of cheese, or a small container filled with nuts to curb me over between meals.


Also, I noticed that when I use butter instead of peanut butter in my morning oatmeal, I am significantly fuller and don’t have the jitters a few hours later.

So what’s being served for today?


Mr. & Mrs. Eggston, newly hard-boiled.

For lunch, I have two hard-boiled eggs, slivers of carrot, red pepper, and celery, and a Granny Smith apple with peanut butter, spirulina, and chia seeds. It isn’t pictured, but I added a small chunk of Parmesan cheese to the equation.



As for the Bento Box itself, there’s boiled chicken marinated in tamarind chutney, petite peas with sesame seeds, and sweet potato. And in case I’m still a tad peckish, I packed a combination of raw pepitas and sunflower seeds.



Happy Monday, all. I have a feeling it’s going to be an amazing week, with quite a few recipes to share.