All about Almonds [and Pesto]: a Superfood to get Nuts over

My earliest memories of enjoying nuts were at Christmastime. It was a tradition in my house to buy various types, still in the shells, to open with a nutcracker and make an absolute mess. I had a system: go for the walnuts, followed by pecans, then almonds, and maybe, if I was desperate, the Brazilian nuts and the hazelnuts.

I wasn’t really a nuts person unless it was peanut butter, and peanuts aren’t even nuts.

Over the years, my tastebuds shifted and their preferences expanded. Although peanut butter remains to be my favorite spread (I know, I know… what stereotypical U.S. American thing to say), I came to appreciate other nut varieties in buttered form, particularly almonds.

I’ve used almond meal and flour without much thought, because being a gluten free cook desensitizes you to what others may view as weird. Gluten free flours have different properties that make them excel in certain recipes over another. Almond flour, I find, works wonders in any baked good with a delicate crumb, such as piecrust, shortbread cookies, or biscuits.

Almonds seem like an international food. You see it in what people refer to as national dishes, and have been traditionally made from/with almonds since the recipe was made.

Recently, I had the exciting opportunity to collaborate with Nuts.com, an amazing family-owned company that sells, you guessed it, nuts. But they don’t just stop there. They sell practically anything you could want, including a huge variety of gluten free baking necessities, snacks, coffee and tea, and more. Their prices are more than reasonable, and most of the time I could expect shipping to be next day or within the same week. Their packaging is fun and quirky, and they always send a small sample package of something different with each purchase.

The company has been around since 1929, and their level of food quality and customer satisfaction had impressed me from the time I discovered their site. So when I was given the ability to talk about the amazing almond, a super hero for many diets, how could I not?

The shift of dietary perspectives has brought about the demand for quality, non-processed and unindustrialized food for many. More and more people are choosing wholefoods over junk. The terms ‘gluten free’ and ‘paleo’ are seen and understood almost everywhere, and so the usage of almond flour in baking isn’t as rare as it used to be.

High in fat and in protein, this wonderful superfood helps balance blood sugar, something I personally struggle with. It can be enjoyed in a number of ways, and it is perfect as a handful to jumpstart your metabolism, additional protein to any meal, and a fantastic indulgence. If you are wanting to increase your intake of this fabulous all around health nut, here are a few recipes I’ve made in the past that you could try:

Homemade Almond Butter

Late Night Chocolate Muffins

Paleo Pumpin Birthday "Cheese"cake

Primal Birthday Brownies

Mashed Potato Biscuit Hearts

When I first received the task, I asked friends and family and fans of Meals with Morri alike what I could make with almonds. Many voted for almond cookies or stir-fry, two fantastic ideas. However, being in Italy, CK and I decided on incorporating almonds in pesto.

Pesto is traditionally made with pine nuts, but I tend to avoid them for two reasons: one, I’m not really a fan of them; and two, they are goitrogenic unless cooked, and I tend to avoid foods that could potentially inhibit my thyroid’s health performance. But the beauty of pesto is that it is a labor of love. The process of making it using a mortar and pestle really shown through upon tasting it, and using almonds (or any sort of nut, really, like pistachios or walnuts) didn’t take anything away from the final product.

It was pesto, stupendous pesto, one that we raved over and wanted to make more of. The ingredients were healthful, and the usage of almonds just made it all the more delicious. So the next time you have an abundance of almonds, have a weekend that celebrates them in a variety of dishes, from coffee cake with streusel topping to stir fried sliced almonds with green beans.

Almond Pesto

2 Garlic cloves
40 g Fresh basil leaves
30 g Raw almonds, finely chopped**
40 g Pecorino Sardo
40 ml Olive oil
Sea salt, to taste

You have two options for making pesto. The easiest would be to simply put everything into the food processor, but it takes away a lot of the fun and, in CK’s and my humble opinion, the flavor. The way we did it, and the way I’m going to talk about, is using the mortar and pestle. The larger, the better. (Ours is on the medium-small side. We were able to do the entire recipe, but it required one person to mix and the other person to spoon back in the escaping pesto along the sides.)

Put the garlic clove pieces into the mortar and churn the pestle in strong, even strokes until it becomes a paste.
In small batches, add the basil, and break down the leaves to a creamy consistency (the pieces will not be regular, but the texture is significantly more smooth than if you would make pesto with a processor).
Follow with the crushed almonds (we used the food processor for this).
Incorporate the cheese until the color is constant and the texture is smooth, then add the olive oil.
Add the sea salt.

Serve immediately on, well, anything really, or refrigerate in a tightly lidded jar. While it may lose its bright green color the longer it sits, its flavor only intensifies. But considering how good it is, I doubt it will last very long in the house anyway.

Buon appetito!

The Magic of Making Food with Others

In the kitchen, it’s a sacred ritual for me to make food happen. For many years I have either made the meals or created the weekly menu for dinner. It became an individual almost meditative practice, feeling the heat from the burners or oven for the main meal, or the cool touch of washed vegetables as they are transformed into a salad. Water is poured and silverware is laid out. Dinner is served.

And I was okay with cooking alone and being in charge of the kitchen, until I realized how wonderful it is to share the process with another person. Since then I have craved cooking and eating with people. It is a way of connecting with others toward the same goal, that is, the making of a delicious meal. You prep the ingredients you are individually using, dancing around each other in the kitchen like it was rehearsed. The aromas of your share entwine with theirs, and when you bring it all together…

You feel so proud of what you put on the plate and feel even more connected with them than before.

I used to be Diva Chef incarnate once upon a time. People would sit on the couch watching me jump from counter to counter, keeping me company and even assisting in cutting up ingredients or stirring (when I'd let them). Perhaps it was a trust thing, more likely a control thing; but when you let the need of control go, you look outside the box to discover how wonderful a dish can be with collaborative effort.

I wholeheartedly and happily blame CK for wanting to cook with people more often. When he and JS came down to visit HL and I, he taught me how to make paneer from scratch, causing me to fall more in love with Indian food and recipes with multiple components in general. He reminded me of how food brings people together and how fun it is to make something with another person. HL is always fermenting something, and in a frilly apron taught me how she makes her sour beets. And then there was Mama Dazz, who helped make this recipe possible.

Whenever we’ve had a long week or Sunday turns out being a particularly lazy “chill out” day, we tend to look to put something on the dinner table that is neither on our typical menu roster (chili, huevos rancheros, baked chicken) nor prepared in the usual way (pressure cooker, on the stovetop, oven-baked). I had in mind to create a barbeque sauce from scratch, and Mama Dazz was craving ribs. Like clockwork she prepped the ribs with spices and placed them in the oven and I focused on the sauce and made the side dishes. When we sat down together for a Hallmark mother-daughter moment, we savored our efforts and bonded over dinner while I took the photos.

Barbeque sauce is hard to find that fits my dietary lifestyle, but is super easy to make from scratch. Perfect on meat and vegetable alike, it will suit any outdoor potluck you plan on going to.

Mesquite Barbeque Sauce

160 g Tomato paste
60 ml Unrefined apple cider vinegar
30 g Honey (or maple syrup for the herbivore crowd)
30 ml Olive oil
90 ml Filtered water
1/2 tsp. Sea salt
1/2 tsp. Mesquite powder
1/2 tsp. Cacao powder (regular cocoa powder is fine)
1/8 tsp. Chipotle powder
1/8 tsp. Spanish style smoked paprika
1/8 tsp. Garlic powder

In a small mixing bowl (able to contain at least 2 cups or 500 ml of liquid), start with the tomato paste and slowly integrate the ingredients one at a time in rapid stirring motions.
When it is thoroughly combined, use it for whatever recipe calling for barbeque sauce or put it in a closed container (preferably a glass jar) in the refrigerator until needed.
Use within 3 – 5 days of making.

Makes roughly 1 1/2 U.S. cups of sauce.

Getting 2013 Started

It’s a quiet Sunday. The holiday craziness and frivolity is finally winding down, and loved ones are back at their respected states and countries. The New Year is being written down in a brand new planner, with classes, studying, work, climbing, friends, family, appointments, new hobbies and a blog to fill my time avidly.
 
I made such wonderful connections with people over winter break; fantastic food was made, with and without recipes, and none of it was photographed. Even the wonderful dinners with family weren’t documented, either because I wasn’t in MWM mode or I had something else to occupy my interests. 

It’s weird, not having food (the making of and posting of, anyway) be the focal point of my life anymore. Where does the food blogger go from here?

Apparently, the food blogger is publishing her 200th blog post...

Personally, I’m looking forward to actually gardening this year, and am really contemplating urban agriculture and the sustainable food/energy revolution as a career. For Christmas, Mama Dazz gifted me with books (among other awesome things) such as Katz’s (2006) The Revolution Will Not Be Microwaved: Inside America’s Underground Food Movements, Cockrall-King’s (2012) Food and the City: Urban Agriculture and the New Food Revolution, Despommier’s (2010) The Vertical Farm: Feeding the World in the 21st Century, Ladner’s (2011) The Urban Food Revolution: Changing the Way We Feed Families. I will also be more focused in my “going homemade” endeavors with even more fermentation and sausage making (can we say blood sausage and chorizo?). There’s also the remote control and new lens for my Nikon to help me with this endeavor (thanks, Daddy-O!), because I love sharing with all of you and hearing what you have to say.

Chicken and Vegetables in Peanut-Ginger Sauce

340 g Fresh haricot verts
2 Bell Peppers (Red, in this case), thinly sliced vertically
2 Medium-sized onions, thinly sliced horizontally
2 Carrots, julienned vertically with a peeler
1 Garlic clove, coarsely chopped
4 Boneless chicken thighs, thinly sliced into long strips

For the Peanut-Ginger Sauce:
100 g Smooth peanut butter
45 ml Coconut vinegar (rice vinegar would work here too)
10 ml Coconut aminos
1 tsp. Powdered ginger
1/8 tsp. Garlic powder
60 ml Filtered water
Sea salt, to taste (I used 1/4 tsp.)

On medium heat, bring your choice of cooking oil (mine was olive oil) to smoking point in a large wok and sauté the vegetables for five minutes.
Lower the heat to medium-low and add the chicken to cook for fifteen minutes covered with a fitted lid until the chicken is cooked completely and the vegetables have softened.
Prepare the sauce by combining all of the ingredients in a medium bowl.
Place the heat on low and pour the sauce into the wok.
Make sure the chicken and vegetables are thoroughly coated and allow the sauce to reduce to your desired thickness.
Serve hot.

Makes 4 servings. 

Turkey Day Round-Up

Thanksgiving. A holiday focused on food, family, food, getting together, food, telling stories, food, and more food. I mentioned the food, right? 

My Leftovers Day Plate

Good.

I only had class on Monday this week, so much of my time was spent cleaning, cooking, and nervously awaiting the arrival of our other guests. We were eight around the table: Mama Dazz, the Burt-man, Grandpa B, Grandma D, Uncle Rich, myself, and the boyfriend’s father and brother. He came later in the evening, back from his five-day excursion in Mexico.  The energy at the table was enormous, and food was plentiful and beyond delicious. It wasn’t completely Morri friendly, and being grain-free and sweetener free made it slightly more difficult (I indulged with a sliver of pie), but the food that I could and did eat did not leave me wanting. Plus, it was my first Thanksgiving back from Sweden, so I was just tickled pink to be there.

First and foremost, the Turkey, a bird named after the country the English believed it originated (The Turks called it the Hindu, I think, though the bird comes from Northern America). We typically buy the all-natural Trader Joe’s turkey each year, which came with its own brine. Only, upon further inspection, I realized that the brine wasn’t Morri friendly because of the sugar, so we ended up getting the smaller and yes, more expensive Kosher bird. 

Regardless, it was totally worth the extra few bucks, because not only did it taste amazing but it occurred to us that maybe the bird was raised and fed differently due to its, uh, Kosher-ness. It wasn’t some hulking, too-big-for-its-own-legs, obese thing. It was smaller, with some of the feathers in the skin, and juicier than I remember turkey ever being. Next year, I’m going to look in buying a Morri friendly bird online and see where that goes.

As I was going grain-free, I decided not to make a gluten free stuffing which, until I got sick earlier this month, I was making it with a spoon bread base. Instead of putting it in the bird it was baked like a huge bread pudding and a whole onion was put in its place. The onion was my “stuffing”.

There were two kinds of greens, my Uncle Rich’s infamous collard greens, cooked with salted fatback, water, pepper flakes, and salt and pepper, and I made green beans with a delish twist, and whose recipe will be posted shortly.

Like many Thanksgiving dinners around the United States, our menu was rather heavy on the carbohydrates, but I think we did rather well in bringing color and balance to the table. Instead of mashed potatoes, we went with “small” sweet potatoes, baked at 400 ºF for 1.5 to 2 hours. The result is a caramelized and sticky exterior with a gooey middle that melts in your mouth. 

We had two sauces, turkey gravy and cranberry sauce, both homemade, grain-free, and definitely not out of a can. I'm doing my best not to brag too inanely, but our cranberry sauce was beyond amazing, and I wish I had written down the recipe (we used this one for inspiration). Mama Dazz started off with two bags of fresh cranberries, used two cups of orange juice instead of water to cook them, and finished it off with fresh orange pieces and walnuts. Before adding sugar to the whole thing she poured a bit into two ramekins, one for me and one for Grandma D, who has diabetes. I personally liked it unsweetened, but she used a sweetener for hers.

Except for the turkey and Uncle Rich’s collards, I was surprised that most of the things I put on my plate (and made) were vegan. Then again, since everything was mixed into a tasty jamboree of flavors, I guess it wasn’t so vegan after all. Oh well…

As for drinks, I made two kinds of ice tea, Irish Breakfast (caffeinated) and Green Rooibos (non-caffeinated), and poured them into wine bottles for a change of pace. We also had chilled white wines, a 2010 Da Vinci Chianti Big Sergey brought (along with pink roses), and sparkling apple cider. 

Mama Dazz's Apple-Quince Pie (Not GF)

Mama Dazz's Sorghum Pecan Pie (Not GF)

Dessert was a Thanksgiving feast in its own right, with four (count 'em, four) different pies, vanilla ice cream, homemade unsweetened whipped cream, and lots of coffee. Mama Dazz made Grandma D her own special single-serving berry pie as one, but she also made pecan pie and an apple-quince pie for the gluten eating crowd. I made a gluten-free pumpkin pie with a dairy free filling, using the second half of the pie crust recipe I made for last month’s Gluten Free Ratio Rally.

Grandma D's Three Berry Pie

My GF Pumpkin Pie!

It was weird having pie, with its not-so-much grain-free crust and honey sweetened filling, not to mention eating more than one fruit serving a day (the cranberry sauce was my second serving). After we picked him up from the airport, I ate a tiny sliver of my pie while he ate a reheated plate of amazing deliciousness. I felt loopy and slightly intoxicated after that, and my stomach didn’t know what to make of it. It wasn’t a bad feeling, though I did feel off. I think having a grain-free/sweetener free/limited fruit servings diet for a while may help, but it may end up becoming a long-term thing. FiveLac has been helpful; I just don’t want to take 3 – 6 packets every day for the rest of my life. And as long as I have garbanzo bean flour, I'm golden.

All in all, this Thanksgiving gave me a lot to be thankful for; you know, besides being thankful for the family I have. For my birthday I have this idea that, for every year after my birthday that’s the number of hours I give to doing community service (i.e., I’m twenty-two, so this year I do at minimum twenty-two hours). I am thankful that my lifestyle enables me to do that. I am thankful for the world I live in, for the people in it, and for the life I lead. I am thankful for every experience, every lesson, every mistake, and every success. I am thankful for my education, for my job, and for my bright today and the tomorrows that follow.

I am thankful for this year’s harvest, whatever that may be.

I end this post with a Happy Day After Thanksgiving to you all. May you have food in your cupboards and pantries all year long, a roof over your heads and a fireplace to keep you warm and dry, and finally, an open heart that grows with each passing day.

Dijon Green Beans with Almonds and Mushrooms (adapted from this recipe)

1 lb 8 oz French-cut green beans, preferably frozen
10 oz Baby Bella mushrooms, thinly sliced
1 oz Almond slivers
1 oz Coconut oil
5 Garlic cloves, left whole
1/2 tsp. Sea salt
1/2 tsp. Cracked pepper
Dash nutmeg
2 oz Dijon mustard

Put a large pot over medium heat and add the coconut oil.
Sautee the mushrooms, almond slivers, and the garlic cloves until thoroughly cooked and browned (careful, though, the almonds can burn if you are not watching).
Add in the green beans and stir until the ingredients are completely integrated.
Cover the pan with a lid and lower the heat to medium or medium-low for up to three minutes.
Pour in the spices and Dijon mustard in the final minutes of cooking (i.e. the green beans are still a vibrant green and lukewarm).
After it has cooked, let it sit for five minutes before serving.

Serves 8 – 10 people as a side dish, with a very likely chance of leftovers.

Mushroom Risotto & Garlic-Jalapeño Green Sauce

This is not the post I thought I'd be writing this morning. In fact, I was supposed to officially move in yesterday with five other friends in a house less than five miles away from George Mason University. And after that laborious ordeal, we were supposed to be celebrating the move in with an elaborate dinner and a gluten free and vegan baked donuts breakfast the following morning. Instead, my last semester as an undergraduate starts today, and I’m at home with my parents, a few recipes and posts behind schedule.

1st breakfast of the semester.

I’m not going to get into detail of what happened, because I think that would be in poor taste and, as they say, “the Internet is forever”. What I will say is the house didn’t work out, and standing up for what’s right for you can be the hardest and least popular thing you could do for yourself.

I don’t blame anyone, not really. There was a miscommunication of what was expected, both from the owners/landlords and by the individual tenants. And what have I to show for it? The family I was to be renting from were friends of mine, and I lost that friendship to business. It wasn’t supposed to be about me; rather, the fact of the matter was the house wasn’t ready to rent out. I couldn’t breathe when I was attempting to move in before the boyfriend got back from Texas. Even with the windows open, my lungs felt heavy. My throat is so swollen from all that has happened (additionally, I hurt my wrist in attempt to move a wooden couch frame down a flight of stairs by myself) that I have gotten spirulina powder, chlorella capsules, and a box of Omega3 Squeeze Chocolate Orange just to detox my body in time for the first week of the semester.

Experimenting with spirulina in my breakfast. A bit too green for me.

Many lessons were learned last week, lessons that were hard and heartbreaking. I learned why I used to exercise so obsessively, and that was to make sure I was strong enough to never be taken advantage of, whether it was physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. I cried, along with multiple panic attacks, and I was left with the feeling of depth and quiet as opposed to numbness and cynicism.

I learned what true friendships looked like. There is the kind of friend that stops what they are doing to come with you to move all your stuff from the house in the middle of the night, and do this multiple times over the course of a weekend. There is the kind of friend that stands up for you and stands with you, no matter what arises. There is the kind of friend you find in your lovers and loved ones, who provide support and advice and encourage you to stick with your guns and hold strong onto what you believe in.

Most of all, I learned the difference between being independent and being dependent on yourself. Depending on yourself doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t depend on others, like it would be expected should you strive on true independence. It means that, despite everything that is going on in your life, you never give in to what you know in your heart to be wrong. Sometimes, it differs from person to person, and that is completely okay. As a conflict resolution major, I strived to keep the relationship before the business, and of course there are some things I wish were said and others that I wish there weren’t. But the house will have tenants that the landlords think it deserves, and I am happy for them. I wished it could’ve worked out, but in the end, I think it did.

With that, lovely readers, I have two recipes make up for my absence due to the drama and trauma of this last week. Both came together to make a lovely meal, and the balance of taste, texture, and heat was similar to the absolutely delish steak dinner Mama Dazz and I had in Cape Cod.

Mushroom Risotto

12 oz Arborio rice
32 oz Vegetable stock
1/2 tsp sea salt
Pinch of each, Cayenne & Paprika
1 tbsp. Olive oil
1 tbsp. Dehydrated minced onion
1/4 tsp. Italian seasoning
2 oz Parmesan cheese, freshly and finely grated

1 tbsp. Olive oil
3 tbsp. Pinot Grigio
10 oz Baby Bella mushrooms, thinly sliced
2 tsp. Coconut aminos (or gluten-free tamari sauce)

Place the rice, stock, oil, and spices into the rice cooker on “Brown Rice”  (i.e., slow cooking) or in a medium saucepan on low heat for up to an hour).
After the rice has absorbed all of the liquid, add in the Parmesan cheese and keep the rice cooker on “Warm” (or you can put a lid on the saucepan).
Put the oil, wine, mushrooms, and aminos in a skillet on medium-high heat and cook until the mushrooms are done.
You can add the mushrooms in the rice or simply put them on top.

Serves 6 – 8.

Garlic-Jalapeño Green Sauce

3 Jalapeño peppers, seeded, deveined, and coarsely chopped
3 Garlic cloves, coarsely chopped
Juice of 1 Lime
3 Basil leaves
3 tbsp. Olive oil
2 tbsp. Unrefined apple cider vinegar
1/4 tsp. Sea salt
1/4 tsp. Cracked pepper

Place all of the ingredients in a food processor and blend thoroughly.
The sauce is rather thick, similar to a runny puree, so add more oil and vinegar for a thinner sauce.
Keep refrigerated and use within a week of making.

Makes 2/3 c.

The beauty of homemade: Mango Salsa Fresca

I think the majority of us make “almost homemade” foods. Not that this is a bad thing, of course, but it’s true. Canned tomatoes and beans, peanut butter, fruit preserves and jams, gluten free flour(s), sweetener(s), salsa, sauces, and canned coconut milk are godsends to my household. Rarely do I consider the work it takes to making things from scratch when I am privileged to live in an era where the hard part has already been done for me.

After this weekend, however, my perception of the term “homemade” has been taken to a completely different level. I have a new-found respect to those households where cooking from scratch is a common endeavor, but now know the secret behind their successes.

The secret, my friends, is the having the tools to make homemade possible. On Saturday I was given two such gizmos, an ice pop molds set and a tortilla press, both of which were immediately used. It was the first time that Morri-friendly fajita bowls were made with true-blue tortillas, and the first time in a long time I had a frozen treat that indulged my chocolate craving (but one I could feel good about eating).

Mark my words, lovelies; the tortilla press is going to be used regularly. It took Mama Dazz and me three hours to perfect the corn tortilla (using masa harina), but it was a rewarding experience. Already I’m incorporating it for future recipes such as various flatbreads and pasta doughs in my mind.

As for the frozen pop molds, it’s just a matter of experimenting with different ingredients. For my first attempt I made a dessert pop that was rich, chocolatey, and vegan, with fruit as the dessert’s only sweetener. I like the idea of using coconut milk, avocado, and dates to make it a creamy treat, but I do want to test out different flavors and combinations before posting a recipe, specifically one that has never been seen before.

The following recipe didn’t need either gadget. Salsa fresca (or pico de gallo) is something I make a habit in keeping in the fridge, but it never occurred to me to shake things up a bit and make it myself. Trader Joe’s has two kinds, mild and hot, but I wanted an additional oomph to my taste buds. I wanted something that would really knock my socks off in flavor minus the numbing sensation of a spicy pepper.

Mango Salsa Fresca

20 Frozen mango chunks, quartered
4 Smallish tomatoes (such as Roma), finely diced
1/2 Sweet onion, finely diced
1/2 Green bell pepper, finely diced
1 Jalapeño, seeded and finely chopped
2 Garlic cloves, coarsely chopped
Juice of a Lime
3 tbsp. Pomegranate infused red wine vinegar (or 1 tbsp. pomegranate juice and 2 tbsp. red wine vinegar)

Put all of the ingredients in the food processor and pulse until the ingredients are evenly chopped but not completely blended.
Can be served immediately or kept in the fridge up to a week.

For a chunkier version, put all of the ingredients (cut a little finer) in a large mixing bowl and stir until thoroughly combined.
Let it sit in the fridge for up to an hour before serving.

Note: this is a rather “juicy” salsa, so I recommend straining individual servings but keeping the juice for ultimate flavor.

Combatting Stress with Saucy Spaghetti Q’s and More-Than-Meatballs

I should be studying for my final exam tomorrow. I should be studying for my final(s) next week. I should be packing up my things and slowly moving back home. I should be doing a lot of things, but am I doing them? 

Sadly, no.

Instead, I’m downing a steaming cup of espresso with steamed whole milk and thinking of what to write for today’s post, trying to keep my eyes open while I await the arrival of my late dinner guests. Today was the first day in such a long time that all was quiet and peaceful (save for waking up two hours earlier than I wanted to, in tears, from a nightmare). I got to extend my morning routine past noon, wearing my bloodthirsty bunny slippers with pride. I got to run five miles without having to be elsewhere immediately afterward. Sure, I was productive; I ran five miles after all, and I did a load of laundry while putting away dishes.

This week has been stressful, and most of it had little to do with academics. I said goodbye to old friends, of whom it may be quite some time until I see them again. The boyfriend is leaving on Saturday for his annual summer internship (this time in Texas), and I am trying to be strong about that. I’ve taken a break from “grains” for a bit, and have been trying out different types of breakfasts in the morning. And after the semester ends, when I’m officially moved out of campus housing and back into the parental units’ abode, I’m cleansing my system for a week.

I’m doing all I can to take care of myself, but sometimes I feel it isn’t enough.

Just for the record, I am compensating my lack of grain intake with other food and I’m sleeping a good number of hours a night. But when I look at the study guides and the take-home exam for my four classes, my eyes glaze over and I look for other things to do.

Also, tomorrow’s exam is probably the one I’m going to do the best on (besides the take-home final), simply because it’s my favorite class this semester taught by one of my favorite professors in S/CAR. But when you get right down the things you have to do in a day/week/month like I do, life tends to overwhelm you. No matter how well you hide it, the stress builds up and all you want to do is laze on a hammock and listen to music that comforts you (Carlos Santana, Tori Amos, Chris Botti, and the Indigo Girls come to mind). 

I think I have a hammock around here… somewhere.

On Monday I told Cheryl all the things that were simultaneously going on in my life, how the calorie counting and poor body image had returned, how simply being seemed simply impossible, how the future seemed hazy, how isolated I felt from the people that mattered most to me, how I wanted to try grain-free living for a week or so, then a cleanse after school let out.

She answered my frustrations, questions, and fears with a story:

(source)

Mara Comes for Tea - Retold from Thich Nhat Hanh's Heart of Understanding

One day the Buddha was sitting in meditation in his cave while his most trusted disciple, Ananda, was outside collecting food for their next mealtime. Ananda looked up from his chores when he saw, coming toward the cave, the Buddha's nemesis, Mara. Mara was a demon king who sought to prevent the Buddha from reaching enlightenment beneath the bodhi tree. Since then he had continued to be a perpetual thorn in the Buddha's side, so to speak, cultivating greed, desire and hatred in men. Ananda new this and was immediately enraged by his appearance at the Buddha's cave.

Ananda approached Mara: "Get out of here! The Buddha does not wish to have his cave invaded by demons!"

Mara replied: "Go and ask him for yourself. I simply wish to speak with your master."

Reluctantly and nervously Ananda did as the demon king asked and entered the Buddha's cave. "World Honored One, the demon king, Mara approaches your cave and seeks an audience with you. I have already instructed him to leave but he insisted I ask you myself."

The Buddha's eyes opened from his meditation and he smiled, widely. "Mara is here? Really? It has been so long since we have spoken. Yes, yes, ready some tea and invite him in and we'll talk."

Dumbfounded, Ananda did as the Buddha asked, putting a pot on the fire to boil and then going outside to tell Mara that he was welcome in the Buddha's cave. "As I knew I would be, little Ananda," said the demon king arrogantly, brushing past the Buddha's humble disciple.

When Mara entered the cave the Buddha rose to his feet, nearly leaping into the air with excitement. "Mara, my good friend, it has been so long since we have seen each other. Please sit, have some tea and tell me why you have come to visit."

Ananda was very nervous now and listened to the conversation between his master and the demon. Mara sipped his tea slowly and then spoke. "Buddha, things are not going well. I wish to be something else. Something other than Mara."

"But, Mara, you are so good at being Mara. Remember when you sent images of sense pleasures and warnings of how difficult it would be for me to fully reach enlightenment when I sat beneath the bodhi tree? That was a fantastic job of being Mara. I really had to struggle to get where I am now. I truly owe you a debt of gratitude."

Now Ananda was getting very fearful. He did not like the idea of Buddha having a debt of gratitude to Mara. This was very upsetting but he listened further.

"Well, I suppose you are right," said Mara, "but being Mara I always have to be sneaking around in the shadows, talking in riddles and half-truths. It is such hard work always trying to think of the best things to say and do. I just...I think it would be easier to be something else. And the worst part: my disciples are now talking of non-duality, peace, social justice, non-violence...it is so frustrating being Mara. I think it would be much better if you took my disciples. Maybe we could switch for a while? You could be Mara and I could try being Buddha?"

At this request Ananda's heart really began to pound. He knew that his master had just said he owed Mara a debt and he also knew how profound his master's compassion truly was. He had seen him give to others when he had almost nothing. He was terrified that he would now become the disciple of Mara and the Buddha would become a demon king. No worse thought was imaginable.

The Buddha thought. He sipped his tea. And then he spoke: "Mara, do you think it is just frustrating being Mara? Being the Buddha is equally...no, doubly frustrating, I guarantee. You think you have trouble with your disciples? Mine put words in my mouth and write them into "sutras" that I have never said. I teach them about non-attachment to material things and what do they do? They build stupas and erect shrines in my name! They even build enormous statues of me out of gold just to pray to even though I have told them time and time again that I am not a god. And they sell trinkets in temples with my words blazed upon them. It is an absolute pain. But I do not give up being Buddha because that is what I am."

Mara sighed and vanished into the shadows. Ananda felt slightly relieved but continued to worry that one day Mara would get what he ultimately wanted.

Mara is Sanskrit for delusion, for the things we fear most and things that block our way to personal enlightenment. Mara is the demons that keep us from seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, the monsters in the labyrinth, the fears that drive us to insomnia.

It is human nature to avert our minds from the things that frighten us or, in my case, stresses us out. For me, inviting Mara to tea is a frequent affair, but it is one I like to keep short. As a conflict resolution major, we are taught to know ourselves, what our triggers are, what we are feeling and why.

Does that mean that the men and women of this discipline are calm and collected every hour of the day? No, it doesn’t. Mara is just as scary and intimidating, but I believe we can name our personal Mara much easier. 

So, if I invited Mara to tea (and maybe offer it this recipe as well), what would it reflect back to me across the table? Mara would reflect doubt in my abilities, uncertainty in my future, isolation from friends and family, loneliness from busy life I lead, lack of motivation, the frustrations of my health, my hunger, the stress of being in college… I could go on.

Naming Mara is half the battle, but it is a crucial step to getting to where you want to be. Mara will come and go, but you are the constant variable in the equation. As long as I remember that, all the current fears, stresses, and frustrations will pass.

In the mean time, as I’m all about comfort these days, this recipe took me back to those days when I was home sick and Campbell’s canned SpaghettiO’s were always in the pantry where I could reach.

So for those dealing with finals and graduation and other stressful things, I wish you all the luck in the world. Just take it one step at a time and, before you know it, it will be one less thing to fret about. And as for this recipe, anything with meatballs is the quintessence of comfort in my book.

Saucy Spaghetti Q’s and More-Than-Meatballs

For the meatballs
1 lb. Ground beef
1 c. Frozen petite peas, thawed
1/2 White onion, finely diced
1 Large egg
1 tsp. Dijon mustard
1/2 tsp. Crushed garlic

1 tbsp. Olive oil, for the skillet
1/3 – 1/2 c. water, for the skillet

For the Sauce
1 15 oz can Tomato sauce
1/2 Red onion, coarsely chopped
7 Baby Bella mushrooms, thinly sliced
1 Zucchini, quartered and thinly slices
Salt and pepper, to taste
Red pepper flakes, optional

For the Spaghetti Q’s
1 c. or more of Quinoa, cooked in your method of choice (typically the water-quinoa ratio is 2:1, but check the box for instructions anyway)

Combine the ingredients for the More-Than-Meatballs (excluding the oil and water) in a large bowl until thoroughly combined.
Add the oil and water in a large pot or deep skillet over medium heat.
Make the meatballs into whatever size you wish (I wanted particularly small ones, so I used the 1/4 c. measuring cup and split that into two meatballs), and place them into the pot or skillet.
Let the meatballs cook for about five minutes, then add the ingredients for the sauce.
Cover and cook on medium to low heat for thirty minutes. (During this time, you can cook the quinoa if you haven’t done so already.)
Once all of the parts of the meal are ready, place in the desired helping of quinoa at the bottom of each bowl and top with meatballs and sauce.
Garnish with your choice of cheese and/or sour cream (I used ricotta and it was delicious!).

Serves 4.