Why Cooking Together is the Best Thing You Can Do as a Couple

Yesterday, CK and I celebrated his birthday. During the time when he is in Rome and I am in Malta, we have gotten really good at the whole long distance thing. I've had quite few people ask me how it is we're able to handle the distance, especially since it's been almost 1.5 years now. The truth is that the situation isn't always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes, the distance gets to us. Sometimes, it feels like we'll be long distance forever. But the way we combat it is planning the future (be it trips or what it will take for us to be living together at the start of 2015) and using Skype during our time apart.

Skype has made long distance relationships so much easier to manage. We Skype daily and do things together that way: gaming, reading to each other, watching movies, doing our own thing while the other is working on something else, and cooking. Cacio e pepe was the first of much foodie fun we’ve done via Skype, and it’s brought me to the conclusion that cooking together provides a series of lessons in improving how you interact as a couple.

CK and I in Rome a couple weeks ago. (Yes, I've cut my hair...)

Photo's courtesy of CK's Mama Bear

CK is the first person that has consistently shown interest in cooking with me from start (prep) to finish (on the plate). Quality time is so important to me, and that it can be done in a tangible way that we can both enjoy has made our relationship so fulfilling. For years I made meals for my family, usually by myself (it was my responsibility at home when I wasn't at school or working), so imagine my surprise when someone insisted on being part of the process! 

I believe the reason why Meals with Morri has been so quiet lately has to do with the fact that I’m not cooking meals for others anymore. It takes out all the fun to make something when there isn't anyone to enjoy it with you or to say it's "blog worthy" (thanks, Mama Dazz). Since coming to Malta, I’ve cooked plenty, but the desire to make recipes and take photos just didn't seem so appealing anymore. But with overcoming homesickness and loneliness, I’ve started working with baker’s yeast again. I am healing from various fears that revolved around eating (like fried food and treating myself to dessert now and then), and I’m actually eating to thrive and not to simply eat enough. And finally, after months of being in a funk, making recipes with the aim to share it with the world seems like fun again.   

Cooking together is an amazing form of communication. I’ve struggled with being upfront with my emotions and what I needed, but you can’t be anything less than direct in the kitchen. You can’t say “Maybe I need you to crack some eggs” or “You don’t have to grate the cheese if you don’t want to even though I need it done and I'm currently sauteing the onions.” You can’t expect someone you’re making a dish with know that you wanted them to preheat the oven or get water boiling unless you let them know that’s what you want. A chef doesn’t expect their kitchen to be mind readers, and neither should you expect or be expected to read your partner’s mind. You also learn to honor your feelings without the need to justify them.

Another aspect of cooking together is honoring the support you give and receive, and understanding the balance of giving and taking. Sometimes that means there is a kitchen leader, where one of you calls the shots (gives directions), and the other follows and does what is needed as instructed. Having a gluten free blog doesn't automatically make me the leader all the time. In fact, when he makes me soup or takes over cooking when I'm stressed out or sick is the most amazing thing ever. From this balance of power I’ve learned it’s okay to be selfish and to say no once in a while, that you can and should make time for yourself when the need arises. Having the right to say no and not be sorry for it is a new commodity for me, and it also means giving you and your partner some slack to not having to be on all the time.

My motivation to posting also declined when a recipe wasn't just right...

I try to tell him how much I appreciate our time together in the kitchen as often as I can. I know he isn’t doing it because he thinks it will make me happy, and that is really important to the both of us. He doesn’t feel obliged, and it isn’t one-sided. He tells me how empowered he has become learning the art of gluten free (and vegetarian) cooking, making more things from scratch than he ever did before we met. And he’s transitioned from the stance that the ‘gluten-free’ aspect of the recipe has to taste like it isn’t. Like everyone new to gluten free cooking, we initially try to replace and substitute wheat/gluten in such a way that is has to look and taste and act like it isn’t gluten free, so now it isn’t ‘gluten free’ waffles or ‘gluten free’ muffins… just waffles or muffins. He doesn’t say “Hey! This is pretty good… for gluten free.” He says, “Oh my God, this is amazing” or “We should try it [this] way next time.” I cannot emphasize the importance of sincerity, and that is a very significant piece as to why our relationship works so well (both in and out of the kitchen, while we’re together and when we’re doing the long distance thing). Throughout the stress of finishing up grad school, living alone in Malta, and job searching for 2015, he helped bring back the spark in making amazing meals and enjoying good food. We have quite a list of foodstuff we want to make, and hopefully we can turn it into a webshow soon after I’ve gotten a grasp on filming and editing.  

One of CK’s favorite flavors in baked goods is lemon poppy, so we decided to make lemon poppy quick bread and drink margaritas over Skype. It was a combination of Ruhlman’s ratio for quick bread and this recipe. Neither of us had a zester, so we used lemon juice instead. He also used yogurt instead of milk, and he said that it worked really well. After singing him happy birthday and cheering as he blew out the tea light candle, we toasted with the margaritas and enjoyed our lemon poppy creations.

CK's photo of his Lemon Poppy Quick Bread

The moral of the story is that love doesn't just happen. True love isn't true because it's perfect: it takes work, communication, honesty, sincerity, and appreciation. If you want to improve any relationship, be it parent-child, partner-partner, sibling-sibling, friend-friend, or me-myself-and-I, try being in the kitchen more often and make something that you can enjoy together. 

Lemon Poppy Quick Bread / Muffins

120 g Brown rice flour
120 g Garbanzo bean flour
120 g Honey
1 tsp. Sea salt
1 tsp. Baking soda
240 ml Whole milk
2 Large eggs
120 g butter, melted (if salted, omit sea salt)
4 tbsp. or 80 ml Lemon juice
4 tbsp. or 28 g Poppy seeds

Preheat the oven to 350°F or 175°C, and grease the pan (a 12-cup muffin tin or a 9.5” pie pan) with your oil of choice.
In one medium-large bowl, combine the dry ingredients (flours, salt [unless omitted], baking soda, and poppy seeds and set aside.
In another bowl, combine the eggs, milk and honey, and add the mixture to the dry ingredients.
Add the rest of the ingredients to the batter, and pour it into the pan.
Bake for 50 minutes to one hour, or until the top is golden brown and the knife is clean when you check for doneness.

Makes 1 quick bread/12 muffins, or 8 – 12 servings.

Twenty-three Things

It was a glorious birthday weekend. I rock climbed and made primal-friendly brownies. I had a 1920s/Prohibition themed birthday party with mead making, classy friends, and laughter. I walked around with Daddy-O after a light lunch and returned with a Belgian waffle maker in tow. And now, with primal eating and my body in a love-not love relationship at the moment, I am taking it easy by writing this post, my birthday spirit still intact.

On Friday the 16th I turned twenty-three. I’ve heard people give up on the birthday magic after a certain age (most notably in the U.S., becoming legal to drink alcohol on your twenty-first), but not me. Turning twenty-three was awesome, because I feel my age in the most positive of aspects. I may not know what life has in store for me this year, but I have learned a lot thus far.

1. Living safely is not the same as living smartly.
2. I stopped aiming for perfection, and started living for progression.
3. Community is not only something you find; it’s something you make.
4. It’s okay to not be everything at once, and it’s okay to not be everything at once at twenty-three.
5. It is never too late to learn something, and it is never too late to start something new.
6. When asked “What is the point of life?”, this was my response: “I think there really is no one single answer to this question. My meaning is not your meaning, and your meaning isn't mine. Some people spend their entire lives looking for it, while others run into it one random November day. It may take seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, years, decades, and lifetimes to figure it out, but you won't know unless you put yourself out there for the Universe to show you what it offers. Sometimes dreams and goals take time, even grunt work and sh*t work that you may not like. Ask yourself ‘Is it worth it?’ for each and every dream and goal you have. If the answer is ‘no’, then move on to something that is.”
7. Observe without judgment; behind every action is a need.
8. There is no such thing as one perfect body, fitness regimen, or dietary lifestyle. (More on the this after Thanksgiving.)
9. The language your body speaks to you with is possibly one of the hardest and easiest languages you could learn.
10. How do you start to become great at something? By deciding you’re great at it.
11. When in doubt, make belief.
12.  I’m like a chess piece playing the best game I can with the squares I have accessible to the rules of the board.
13. You don’t have to be “on” all the time to be productive.
14. Being genuine has gotten me further than being nice.
15. I strive for community service that is for more than just humanity.
16. My progress is my progress, and it is still progression regardless of the time it takes.
17. Bettering yourself (looks, diet, fitness, education, work, life, etc…) just to prove to someone else what your are worth will never give you the satisfaction you think you’ll get from it.
18. If you treat your body like it’s something to control and fix, it will always be in constant rebellion.
19. Comparing myself to others is a disservice to both parties.
20. I am not my condition.
21. Living in optimism does not mean living with unrealistic expectations.
22. What climbing and yoga have taught me is to reach even with the fear of falling, to be flexible and self-aware, to breathe with purpose, to accept the not-today’s and celebrate the little wins, and to always keep trying.
23. Life is the biggest science experiment there is.

Primal Birthday Brownies (inspired by this recipe)

180 g Coconut oil, solid and at room temperature
125 g Cocoa powder
240 ml Whole milk
100 g Honey
3 Large eggs
240 g Almond meal
1/2 tsp. Sea salt
1/2 tsp. Bourbon vanilla extract

Preheat the oven to 325°F.
Place the coconut oil and cocoa powder in a bowl and mix well.
Add the coconut milk, honey, eggs, almond meal, and spices and blend until combined.
Pour the brownie mixture into a greased 8x8” pan* and smooth the surface of the mixture.
Bake for 30 minutes, then remove and allow it to cool before cutting into individual servings.

Makes 20 servings.

*I was able to make two batches with this recipe, though I do believe the thicker the brownie layer, the gooier and less cake-like it will be.

Playing with Paleo: A Delicious Birthday Experiment

The autumn storms have rolled in and brought with them that crisp air I love so much. Pumpkin and apples are in ample supply, and baking is becoming a coming occurrence in my household. With my Masters application officially submitted, I’ve exhaled this breath I had apparently been holding. Along with other hard lessons digesting from September, October is looking to be one creative and relaxed sort of month (save for midterms, of course).

The best part of fall is the flavor selection. We have foods that warm and fill us, sweet and savory ingredients that come together in a symphony of delights, and the oven always seems to be preheated and ready to go. To add to that, fall is the season I become very adventurous in my recipes.
 

Over the weekend I celebrated my two best friends’ birthdays. J and TJ, a ridiculously adorable couple, have been so supportive and loving as I pieced together what had been causing my recent stress, and visiting them (individually and together) always lightens my heart and brightens my day.

What was left of the piñata...

So when I was approached with the challenge to make a Paleo dessert for TJ, a lover of pumpkin and cheesecake, my Creative Mind’s gears starting turning.

In place of cream cheese and butter, because TJ is lactose intolerant, I looked for ways to make turn raw, dehydrated coconut flakes into “cheese” with a creamy nut butter consistency. (How did I do it? Read on for the link in the directions.) For the crust, almond meal and coconut oil was used to make it grain-free and dairy-free, and it had a marvelous crushed graham cracker taste and consistency.

 It was a delicious experiment, and one that will only get better over time. As for TJ and J?

They loved it.

Paleo Pumpkin Birthday "Cheese"cake

For the crust:
240 g Almond meal
64 g Honey
1/2 tsp. Cinnamon
120 g Coconut oil, melted

For the filling:
500 g Homemade coconut “butter”
425 g Pumpkin puree
3 Large eggs
400 g Honey
Juice of 1 Lemon
1 tsp. Bourbon vanilla extract
1/2 tsp. Cinnamon
1/4 tsp. Nutmeg
1/4 tsp. Ginger
Sea salt, to taste (optional)

Preheat the oven to 350ºF.
In a medium bowl, combine the almond meal, honey, cinnamon, and melted coconut oil. (If a little wet, add a little more almond meal until it is soft but stable to the touch.)
Press the mixture throughout a greased 9-inch pie pan until evenly covered, and then set aside.
If you do not have homemade coconut butter on hand, proceed to Chocolate Covered Katie’s blog to learn how to make your own, and then add it to the remaining ingredients for the filling in another medium bowl to mix.
Pour the filling in the center of the pie pan and spread it evenly.
Cover the crust with aluminum foil to prevent burning and bake at the center of the oven for one hour.
Remove from the oven and let it sit for 2 – 4 hours until room temperature and then let chill in the fridge for an additional 2 – 4 hours or overnight before serving.
Serve cold.

Makes 8 – 16 servings.

My (Almost... Not Really) Wordless Birthday Post

Sweetgreen lunch date with the Daddy-O. A great healthy & gluten free option in D.C.

My Mix-Your-Own salad: mesclun, grape tomatoes, raw peppers, goat chevre, hard-boiled egg crumbles, and balsamic vinegar.

And finally, ostkaka, modified from this recipe, only the sugar was replaced with honey, the bitter almonds was replaced for almond slivers as garnish and, for a grain-free version, I used amaranth flour in place of AP flour. Warning, though, I do not recommend cooking it as high as she recommends (amaranth flour browns very easily). This recipe says to cook it at 400ºF for 10 minutes, then reduce the heat to 350ºF and bake for 1 hour.

Ginger Lemon Tea

It has come to my attention that I have to rethink my life a little bit. My last semester as an undergraduate is less than 1.5 months away from ending, and my schoolwork just sits there, mocking me with its incompleteness. I have been going to class, and it’s not like I don’t have time to do it all, but when I actually get around to reading the books and doing the assignments... let’s just say trying to stay awake is hard enough.

Does this mean I’m lazy? Does this mean I don’t care about my academic career? I don’t think so. I love George Mason University, and I love my major. Without it I don’t think I would have realized my love for food and the magic of bringing people together. In fact, my final project in my Integration class is all about the crime of hunger, and why food from restaurants and supermarkets in the United States are thrown away and not donated to people in need. But even then, as I try to bring it to focus, it remains slightly blurred around the edges.

As you may know, I’ve been sick since last Thursday. With a sore throat, losing my voice every other day, an achy body that especially hurts when touched, and a strange fatigue even after taking naps in the mornings and afternoons, getting glutened didn’t help very much. My immune system was totally compromised. As a result, my stomach was unable to digest the last of the congee without cramping and bloating. Even rice crackers have become a no-no. All that good gut bacteria had been killed off because of the whole flu-gluten thing. As of this morning (i.e. Saturday), the congestion is finally breaking apart and I’m not coughing up what feels to be my good lung. Hopefully by Monday I can resume my running.

I mentioned my undergraduate career is almost up, but I have yet to mention my birthday. The big 2-2 on Wednesday the 16th. Did anyone else have a mid-mid-mid life crisis in their early twenties or before graduation? Despite all of the things I do, I just feel I’m not doing enough or not doing it well enough. I’ve been considering my restaurant idea that has evolved into a café that has evolved into healing resort type thing. I’ve also fretted where I’ll be working to make this dream a reality. But I have to consider the people I love (namely the boyfriend) into my life plans. Life isn’t all about Morri’s, you know.

Life doesn’t start after graduation, and I have to continue to believe in the process and believe this is the path I’m, err, we are meant to take. Everything happens for a reason. And yes, that does include getting sick and getting glutened. Luckily, because of feeling meh, I came up with a delicious tea recipe. When you lose you voice and your tummy is queasy, ginger, lemon, and mint have great healing properties. 

Ginger Lemon Tea

1.5 oz (or more) Fresh ginger, peeled and chopped into big piece
1 Lemon, juiced
32 oz Filtered water
1 pinch Sea salt
1 Mint sprig (with at least 10 leaves), left whole
Honey (or maple syrup), to taste

Bring the water to a boil and steep all the ingredients (sans the honey) on medium-low heat up to an hour.
Turn off the heat and let sit for another hour.
After the water has taking on a light golden color, bring to medium heat until hot.
Pour into up to four teacups and add the amount of sweetener to your preference.

Serves 2 – 4.