Reminiscing the Old and Planning the New

I am a planner. I like to plan things out, lay it out in manageable stages of logic of where I’ve started and how it will end. Starting things and ending things have always been a relatively easy task for me. The middle part on the other hand… not so much.

December passed by in a blur of anxiety, accomplishment, illness, sorrow, and people. There was a week following my final papers that consisted of a 101°F fever, coughing and sneezing and fairly vulnerable. All the plans I had for December, all those recipes, climbing problems, and yoga practices, didn’t happen. And for once, my plans to have everything done on time, precise and accurate, were tossed to the wind to make way of a much-needed break from it all. I slept. I wept. I ate. I loved.

I feel so grateful for this “shift or be shifted” year, with months of “aha” moments and triumphs and changes:

January was all about trying new ways to be physically active and making the perfect cornbread recipe.

February was a month of adventure, learning about various eating lifestyles, and the start to taking photography seriously as an art form/science.

 
March was the month of honoring my progression and loving myself, regardless of the bumps along the way.

April celebrated my one-year blogversary with what I learned and what I planned to learn before April 2013 rolled around.

May was the start of understanding how diet and exercise helped in healing a hypothyroid condition. Oh, and let’s not forget Graduation, which inspired me to continue my academic career in the graduate program in the School for Conflict Analysis and Resolution.

June was an honest month, and finally realizing how important taking care of myself really is.

July was the start of experimenting with pareve bento box snapshots, heartbreak on multiple levels, becoming adamant in weekend farmers markets, and supporting local food sources with a social justice twist.

August brought with it a movement of fermentation and homemade nut butters, personal growth and graduate school classes.

September gave me my first product review and coming face-to-face with hidden depths of life's grievances and growing pains.

October brought series of hard lessons, new priorities, a deeper relationship to family that will always be there no matter what, and loving all things simple.

 
November was my month of experimenting with Primal Blueprint eating, playing with gluten free beer, and twenty-three things I learned by my twenty-third birthday.

 
And December finished the year on a sweeter note than I could have ever hoped for.

With the last day before the New Year, I thought to share a recipe I was quite proud of. Even with many of December’s plans (there’s that word again) left undone, I have had plenty of time to get ready with January’s plans, more so intentions than they are resolutions. 

Happy New Year, everyone. Have fun and be safe!

 

Winter Gingerbread Cut-out Cookies (inspired by this recipe)

150 g Garbanzo bean flour
75 g Flaxseed meal
75 g Coconut flour
50 g Mesquite powder
1 tsp. Baking soda
2 tsp. Ground ginger
1 tsp. Cinnamon
1 tsp. Raw cacao powder (regular cocoa powder is fine)
1/4 tsp. Sea salt
1/4 tsp. Cracked pepper
125 g Unsalted butter, chilled and cut into small cubes
175 g Honey
1 Large egg

Measure out the flours, baking soda, and spices and pour into the bowl of the food processor to mix (a few pulses should do for mixing just fine).
Add the butter and blend until the mix looks like breadcrumbs, and then add the honey and egg until a sticky ball of dough forms.
Remove the dough from the food processor and mold into a thick disk to wrap in with parchment paper or saran wrap.
Place it in the fridge for 15 minutes to set.
Preheat the oven to 350°F, and line two baking trays with parchment paper.
Roll the dough out to a 1/4-inch thickness on a lightly floured surface (I used additional garbanzo bean flour).
Using your choice of cutters (I used my Ikea animal shapes, plus a few people, hearts, trees, and moons), cut out the shapes and place on the baking tray, leaving a gap between them.
Bake for 12-15 minutes (my oven’s baking time was between 13 and 14 minutes), or until lightly golden-brown.
Leave on the tray for 10 minutes and then move to a wire rack to finish cooling.
Continue cutting out the dough and baking until all of it has been used.*
When cooled decorate with the writing icing and cake decorations of your choice, but they are delicious as is and perfect for dunking into hot drinks.

Makes (roughly) three dozen cookies.

*Be sure the baking trays have cooled down completely before adding another batch!

Self-Evolution with Primal Eating

In the two weeks I’ve experimented with Primal eating, my body shifted. It was a slow shift, mind you, but a shift it was. And with two more weeks to go, I wanted to share my experience.

It’s not as difficult as you think it is. The people who know of my eating habits (gluten, soy, and cane sugar free) were concerned with the additional “restrictions” I was putting upon my diet, particularly with my past disordered eating in the forms of orthorexia and anorexia.

“But you need legumes, Morri!” one lamented.

“What can you eat then?” asked many in exasperation.

 “A lot more than you think I can,” I replied.

For one thing, there is a difference between “Paleo” and “Primal” eating, though both lifestyles stem on similar evolutionary science. Mainly the difference lies with saturated fats, and how primal eating is all about enjoying grass-fed humanely raised meats and products (butter, eggs, full-fat milk and yogurt). Grains and sugars are limited (if not removed completely) as the consumption of vegetables and protein increases. Fruit is eaten in moderation, and dairy is promoted by some while discouraged by others. There’s also a fundamental difference in the two dietary lifestyles with the role of diet sodas and artificial sweeteners. But I agree with Mark (from Mark’s Daily Apple) when he says: “If you aren’t getting anything positive from the meal or drink, you shouldn’t be taking the risk of the artificial sweetener.” Finally, what drew me to going Primal instead of Paleo was treating it “as a broad, holistic approach to living and not simply a list for eating.” 

The list for eating is quite delicious, however... 

There will be some among both the Primal and Paleo community that do not eat what I eat and vice versa. For instance, I loved the food list on Mark’s site as well as the following food pyramid and decided to create a hybrid. I do use honey on occasion, and I eat quinoa, wild rice, and tuber vegetables throughout the week. I’m fairly successful at eating protein and vegetables at every meal, though I have noticed cravings for more servings of fruit. I don’t miss rice, nor any other gluten free grain. For the most part I’ve been dairy free also with the exception of some cheese or kefir, but after receiving raw milk (among other dairy delights), my body was so happy to have the nutrition.

(source)

Being Primal also means a different food/fitness culture for everyone. As my ancestry is almost exclusively from the British Isles, my body will respond better or worse to certain foods and exercise regimens than someone from the Amazon or Pakistan. Perhaps someone from China can eat more grains with some protein and vegetables and excels at martial arts while I can eat more protein and vegetables with some grains and excel at leg-oriented sports or climbing. Maybe fish calls to you over chicken, or fermented vegetables over stewed or roasted. Maybe you can eat fruit at every meal or none at all to feel your best. Maybe nuts and non-animal derived fats/oils keep hunger at bay when it makes someone else famished thirty minutes later. It’s all about what works for you, experimenting by adding and/or diminishing foods as you go. 

In the first week of going Primal, I was literally hungry all the time. As I, like many, used fiber in the sense to be *ahem* regular, there were days it felt like my IBS had reared its not too pretty head in the form of constipation, lethargy, tenderness, and irritability. By the second week, the hunger subsided and the symptoms lessoned. And now, entering to week three, regularity is still to be desired and I’m practically never hungry. I’m tired all morning, but I think that’s something else entirely.

Primal eating and food substitutions aren’t as daunting as I thought they’d be. Instead of spaghetti with meat sauce, try cooked spaghetti squash or sautéed julienned zucchini and carrots with meat sauce. Instead of fajitas, try making fajita bowls with your favorite meat and vegetable combinations. Substitute rice for quinoa or wild rice, or white potato for sweet potato or a winter squash. Eat humongous salads with whatever Primal foods you happen to have on hand in your pantry or fridge. If you are hankering for bread or something of that nature, there’s plenty of almond/coconut pancake, quick bread, dessert recipes out there for you to try. It’s all about substitutions, people, and you’ll feel like Primal gods once you get the hang of it.

We all know how much I love chili, right? There’s something about that delicious, meaty stewp (I still don’t know if chili is a soup, a stew, or a combination of the two) that I can’t get enough of. Highly adaptable with the potential of never being made the same twice, I wondered what happened if I went the Texan way. You know, without beans. Legumes are a no-no on the Primal eating list, so I thought of possible substitutions for it that would make sense. Potatoes? Nah. More meat? Nah. Vegetables? Sure, but which one?

The beauty of going Primal in November was the inspiration to use winter squash with my turkey chili. And let’s just say, it’s now a dinner table favorite.

Autumn Pumpkin Turkey Chili

1.25 lb Ground Turkey
560 g Butternut squash, cubed
410 g Diced tomatoes (from 1 can, or by hand)
425 g (1 can) Pumpkin puree
1 Red onion, coarsely chopped
1 Green bell pepper, coarsely chopped
200 g Kale, finely chopped (fresh or frozen)
3 Garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 tbsp. Chili powder
1 tsp. Sea salt
1 tsp. Ground ginger
1/4 tsp. Powdered sage
1/4 tsp. Cinnamon
1/8 tsp. Paprika (Spanish smoked)
1/8 tsp. Chipotle

Place a large pot or pressure cooker on medium to medium-high heat, grease the bottom with your preferred cooking oil (coconut oil or ghee is mine).
Once it has reached its smoking point, drop in the ground meat and, with a wooden spoon, stir and break apart the meat until completely cooked and separated.
Add the spices to the meat until thoroughly mixed, and then add the remaining ingredients.
Cover the pot and let sit over medium heat for at least an hour.*
Garnish each bowl with your choice of sour cream, cheese, diced onion, avocado, or all of the above.

Makes 6 – 8 servings.

*I like using the pressure cooker, as it cuts the time for chili in half. If you are cooking with a regular pot (or even a slow cooker), it will take longer for the smoky flavor to sink it. It will be good regardless.

Updates, News, and Cool New Features

If you told me in April of last year how much Meals of Morri would grow, I would have been wide-eyed and incredulous. I look back at my old posts fondly and see so many wonderful things: how my photos have improved (although I am still learning); how my understanding of hypothyroidism has broadened; how rock climbing and yoga have changed my life; and finally, how my recipes have been seen all over the world.

It’s amazing and mind boggling and absolutely fantastic.

There are a couple of things I want my readers to be aware of in the next few weeks/months that I’m particularly excited about:

1. Why my Fitness Page is m.i.a. (coming soon!): It is currently being updated to look a lot like my Health & Hypothyroidism page. I wasn’t really happy about my fitness log idea, because I would get so down on myself for not doing it exactly as I’d written. So what’s going in place of it, you’re asking? Rock climbing, yoga, and other fantastic activities I fall in love with along the way.
2. A FAQ page (coming soon!): This is going to be your go-to page for any questions you may have in regards to my recipes, cookbook and product reviews, my blog, my health, and my photography. And if you find I don’t have an answer to a particular question, feel free to write me an email.
3. Post variety: Besides recipes, I plan on doing more product reviews, video posts, organic gardening, foodie adventures, discussing what I find concerning thyroid function, fitness fun (how-to’s, places, and helpful hints), and non-recipe recipes (i.e., hair care, skin care, gluten free arts and crafts, etc.).

In the meantime, you can enjoy…

1. Meals With Morri has a Facebook page: Yes! Finally, a place where you can be notified of recent posts, ask questions (and answer them), provide solid feedback for when I’m stumped on recipes, or write about what recipes you want to see on the site.
2. Drinks, Smoothies, and Shakes: Remember when I said to enjoy those muffins while I was buying Vega One in bulk? Well, I meant it and it is due this week. As I fall more in love with rock climbing and yoga (that, and the hot summer months are just around the corner), I want to make sure that people remain hydrated with nutrient-dense drinks.

In fact, here is a smoothie recipe to get you started. It’s a green smoothie… with kombucha.

Ah, kombucha… a most refreshing fermented delight. What? You’ve never heard of kombucha? Well, let me enlighten you: it’s fermented tea. Pure and simple.

Some people may roll their eyes at my love for this stuff, because it’s become this “trend” in the alternative health world. But it has been around for a lot longer than hippies and New Age dippies. From the Qin Dynasty (221 – 206 BCE) in China who referred it as “a beverage with magical powers enabling people to live forever” to 19th century Russia’s “tea mushroom” (чайный гриб) and “tea kvass” (чайный квас), it is said to aid digestion and promote other awesome things for your overall well-being. I personally just love the stuff, and have two cultures on the kitchen counter living and fermenting green and black teas as we speak.

But until I can drink my own, I treat myself to a bottle of GT’s Kombucha. I’ve tried many of the flavors, and like every single one I’ve had. The one I have the most often, however, is the multi-green. I enjoy the “green” taste of it, and it is a perfect base for a green smoothie.  

Greener than Green Kombucha Smoothie

240 - 350 ml Kombucha* (I used G.T.’s multi-green)
1 Frozen banana
85 g Frozen spinach
1/4 Avocado

Place the ingredients in the blender and blend until thoroughly combined.
Pour in a large glass and serve cold.

Makes 1 serving.

The Breakfast of Champions and other Delectable Things I Want to Share

It’s funny how much seems to change when you’ve slept. When you don’t sleep, eating healthily and exercising won’t mean diddly-squat; you’ll retain water, gain weight, crash, and be a crying mess like I was last week. This is even more significant to those with thyroid problems, because insomnia and other sleep disorders are very common.

So what is the sleep-diet connection? To paraphrase this WebMD article by Denise Mann:

"Exactly how lack of sleep affects our ability to lose weight (or in my case, maintain it) has a lot to do with our nightly hormones. The two hormones that are key in this process are ghrelin and leptin. Ghrelin is the ‘go’ hormone that tells you when to eat, and when you are sleep-deprived, you have more ghrelin. Leptin is the hormone that tells you to stop eating, and when you are sleep deprived, you have less leptin.

More ghrelin plus less leptin equals weight gain."

I noticed this immediately after the first night fully slept. Not only was I not starving, I was also fuller on less. My exercising had been plateauing for months, and it improved literally overnight. I had a more pronounced belly pooch than ever, making me extremely self-conscious and aware of my weight, and it flattened within twenty-four hours.

That being said, I’m a different Morri than I was a few days ago… and loving it.

Food, I noticed, had lost its luster since my SMI started. I didn’t enjoy it as I once had, nor did I enjoy shopping for it. I made recipes, and I loved making them, but my well-rested body savors the process even more. 

When I wake up, I smile.

When I eat, I can appreciate it.

Which brings me to the title of the post. I always became so frustrated with my 2:30 a.m. breakfasts, because I usually wanted to put more effort into the meal. But when you’re starving and tired, you don’t want to use up the little energy you have. To think, months of breakfast ideas neglected because of SMI. Months of the same breakfast bake, the same flours, the same cooking process, the same feeling of exhaustion and anger and…

You know what? That’s enough bitterness for today. This post is about breakfast, and a yummy breakfast at that.

On Saturday, Mama Dazz and I ventured out to MOM’s Organic Market, and I reveled in the experience like it was my birthday. Shelf after shelf had products that were Morri-friendly, and I had forgotten how much I missed going on foodie adventures.

(source)

Why do I like MOM’s? Well, the location in Alexandria is a breath of fresh air, currently with tomato plants for sale outside and an arrangement of delights inside. You are greeted by sincere smiles, personnel willing to help you and answer your questions, and delicious produce grown with love and the environment in mind. We went there for raw apple cider vinegar and came out with bags of cool stuff. Funny how this seems to happen quite a lot...

Anyway, here is a list of a few of the treasures from our MOM’s excursion that I am officially in love with:

(source)

 Eden Foods Organic Ume plum vinegar

(source)

 New Grist gluten free beer

(source)

 Coco Hydro all natural coconut water electrolyte mix

(source)

 Wax Orchards fruit-sweetened dark chocolate sauce

(source)

Vega One all-in-one nutritional shake (single packets, natural and chocolate flavor)

Saturday was a great day of gastronomic proportions. I’d forgotten how much I loved the creation of a meal, the excitement of trying new products, and the beauty of the simple things.

I’m particularly excited to share my Vega One experience, because it was part of the breakfast that I’m sharing with you today. I bought the two flavors to try them out before buying it bulk to see if I liked it, how it managed my blood sugar, and how it affected my body. My plan was to have a nutritional shake with the apple muffin recipe I promised to make three weeks ago. And let me tell you, it definitely was a Breakfast of Champions combination.

I made the shake with the natural-flavored Vega One single-serving packet, 1/2 a frozen banana, and 275 ml Almond milk (vanilla, unsweetened). It wasn’t overly sweet, and it reminded me of cake batter in terms of taste. Plus, it is dairy, gluten, and soy free with no added sugar, all things I look for in a protein powder. It is also a favorite of the Pure2Raw twins, Lori and Michelle, and you can find a list of their other favorite plant-based protein powders here. So while I’m ordering Vega One in bulk, enjoy this much belated muffin recipe.

It's great to be back.

Apple Spice Muffins

60 g Buckwheat flour

60 g Garbanzo bean flour

60 g Mesquite flour

60 g Almond flour

1 tsp. Sea salt

1 tsp. Cinnamon

1/2 tsp. Cloves

1/4 tsp. Nutmeg

120 g Unsweetened applesauce*

240 g Whole milk yogurt*

2 Large eggs*

1 tsp. Bourbon vanilla extract

1 Granny Smith apple, finely diced

1 tsp. Baking soda**

1 tsp. Unrefined apple cider vinegar**

Coconut oil, for greasing the muffin tins

Preheat the oven to 350ºF.

Combine the flours and spices in a medium-sized mixing bowl and set aside.

In a separate bowl, mix together the applesauce, yogurt, eggs, and vanilla, and then add it to the dry ingredients.

Fold in the apple to the batter along with the baking soda and apple cider vinegar, and let it sit on the counter for five minutes.

Pour the batter into a regular-sized muffin tin and bake for 30 minutes or until done (which can be seen by poking a knife down the center and the blade comes up clean).

Remove the muffins from the oven and let them cool for 10 minutes in the pan before removing.

Serve warm or place in the fridge for later consumption (and FYI, they freeze beautifully).

Makes 10 – 12 regular-sized muffins.

*If you can recall from my most recent muffin post, I stressed the importance of the wet ingredients being a room temperature. But since this recipe doesn’t have any fat such as butter or oil that would otherwise harden in the presence of cold ingredients, it isn’t necessary. 

**In place of baking powder, I usually do equal parts of baking soda and apple cider vinegar/cream of tartar. But if you if have baking powder on hand, homemade or otherwise, replace both baking soda and vinegar for the same amount.

Honesty

Honesty. Let us reflect upon the word together and discuss its meaning. The word is often overlooked or taken for granted as a virtue, because the truth can be a hard thing to face. But as they say, the truth will set you free, and I hope my being honest does the same.

Writing about hypothyroidism has been a fun learning experience, including the feedback I’ve received from people telling me their stories. I’ve written about my frustrations and my experimenting with food lifestyles and thyroid medicine doses. I did a little research on what foods may affect the thyroid in a negative way, and started looking into what forms of exercise can be beneficial to those with thyroid disease. But there was a symptom of hypothyroidism I kept close to my heart, something that I felt was slowly ruining my life and all I held dear.

Three little words, my dear readers: sleep maintenance insomnia (SMI).

A good cat nap is apparently hard to come by.

This post was originally going to portray a "Why me?!" diary entry, filled with ranting, less than positive language, and feeling sorry for myself. But after two days of fully slept nights, with the exception of getting up to use the bathroom and drink a glass of water by my bed, I hold my head high and wish to tell you this story honestly and completely.

There’s that word again. Honest.

 Now, I have told people of my less than awesome sleeping habits, about how not days, not weeks, but months passed by with my SMI waking me up between 2:30 and 4:00 most mornings on less than five hours of REM sleep.  I woke up starving, so I would fill my clawing hunger with an early breakfast and attempt to go back to sleep. But the damage was already done. Over six months of this terrible secret of mine kept me from being social after hours and rekindling my orthorexic tendencies and anorexic habits. I was so terrified that I was gaining weight I upped my workout habits to such a degree that it made matters worse.

Thus the vicious cycle repeated itself, day after day and night after night: lack of sleep leads to eating more leads to working out. I looked myself in the mirror and saw distortion. I found myself bringing out my worst inner critic, the one that screamed “Not Good Enough” and “How are you not losing weight? You must be doing it wrong.” I tried, dear readers, I really did. I did eat. I did exercise. And I did try certain remedies for a complete REM cycle: yoga, hot baths, a light snack right before bed, no caffeine after three in the afternoon…  

Herbal tea? Been there... done that.

But every morning I looked out to see streetlights glaring against the pitch black night, and felt my stomach growl like a predator that demands an easy meal.

I became so obsessed with controlling things like when and what I ate, how many times I exercised per week and for how long, because I felt that my life was spiraling out of control. No matter how busy I was or how many posts I published on Meals with Morri, my fatigue pushed me to work harder, to see more people, and to exercise more often.

And I could see the looks of disappointment in my friends’ faces when I couldn’t stay out long or not go out at all. It broke my heart that my lack of sleep only gave me certain hours of the day open to see people, and that was filled with exercise, work, and blogging. I could feel the concern and the confusion when I didn’t accept how they saw me: busy, in shape, and helping others. Finally, on Tuesday, it all came crashing down.

I was on my parents’ bed, my body heaving with uncontrollable sobbing. I was so tired it hurt, my mind restless and always thinking despite its exhaustion. I was frustrated that my fitness regimen wasn’t doing what I thought it would be by the end of May (i.e., firm tummy, toned arms, happy Morri…), and I was beyond angry how I looked at myself.

I just wanted eight hours of continuous sleep each night. Is that so much to ask?

Mama Dazz, who also has hypothyroidism (but in the form of Hashimoto’s), consoled me the best she could. From what came of the conversation, all my problems were the cause of my insomnia. It is improbable, highly unlikely, and extremely difficult to lead a healthy lifestyle while suffering from insomnia. As one of the symptoms of hypothyroidism, it is a leading cause to weight gain (or in my case, my body was always “on”, so it couldn’t keep up with my lifestyle and held onto my "plush" for dear life). I had restricted myself and controlled everything in my life to such an extent that, when I couldn’t complete a basic state of being, I felt so broken.

So there I was, curled up in a ball, crying my eyes out that shook my entire body, feeling like I was crazy, stupid, and the most useless sentient being in the world. If my SMI had gone on for another month, it is highly likely I would have been hospitalized until I was considered “normal” again. Between a rock and a hard place, I chose another option, one I wasn’t thrilled about but I did it anyway out of desperation.

I took medicine to sleep.

In the name of my holistic beliefs and philosophies, taking medication was something I’d refused for months. At the time, I felt like I would be a complete hypocrite to take over-the-counter pharmaceuticals. I’m personally not a fan of antidepressants, and as such I do not take them. I don’t take diets pills for weight loss, and instead eat healthily to the best of my ability and exercise when I can. I felt like taking medicine to sleep was, well, cheating. And if I was a hypocritical cheater, what made me think I could run Meals with Morri with a clear conscience?  

Bangin' bread on little sleep.

At the moment, sleeping well for two nights in a row is quite an achievement, and my body is following suit. It’s starting to understand how exhausted it truly is, and what it means to slow down and turn “off”. I’m not pushing myself to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to prove how happy I am. I’m calmer and quieter, with a “sparkle” in my voice that I was told has been missing for quite some time.

There are quite a few theories why SMI has reared its grumpy head: too low a dose of thyroid medicine, boredom, restlessness, etc. And because the medicine to help me sleep seems to be working, I’m going to continue taking it for a few weeks and see how it goes. Mama Dazz has also put curtains in my bedroom to keep it dark and cool, which has also helped enormously. I’ve started seeing progress in my eating and not being ravenous all the time. Oh, and my climbing seemed to improve overnight, so I’m rather happy with that in particular .

My sincerest hope is that I’ll continue sleeping, and that we can continue to share our stories honestly with each other. I end this post with an interesting read I found on sleep:

“People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life.'

If you didn't know what sleep was, and you had only seen it in a science fiction movie, you would think it was weird and tell all your friends about the movie you'd seen.

They had these people, you know? And they would walk around all day and be OK? And then, once a day, usually after dark, they would lie down on these special platforms and become unconscious. They would stop functioning almost completely, except deep in their minds they would have adventures and experiences that were completely impossible in real life. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.'

So, next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you're in a science fiction movie. And whisper, 'The creature is regenerating itself.”

(George Carlin, Brain Droppings)

Pleasant dreams, my dear readers. Here’s to finally sleeping in on a Saturday morning.

Goodbye April Woes

The hardest thing after being sick is getting back into your old routine. Running two miles proved to be a lot more winding than I remember, and I could only rock climb for twenty minutes before getting frustrated and tired. I still haven’t done much yoga (not at all, actually), and I was at least able to complete seventy-five percent of my core workout, but I feel like my two week hiatus has completely thrown all my hard work out the window. Now, a week later, and I’m almost back to where I was, running three miles and climbing for an hour.

April was going to be the month of recipes and thyroid information galore. It was going to be the month I would be running at least nine miles per week. It was going to be the month I could rock climb V1s with ease. I was going to be Morri, Super Duper Gluten Free Blogger Extraordinaire, making The Perfect Recipe for this month’s Gluten Free Ratio Rally.

By the way, we made bagels.

On the other hand, I did set out what I wanted to accomplish for the week: I did exercise; I did go out into the world specifically to be social; I did make recipes; and I have been studying extensively on the culinary arts and the business behind it. My goal was to ease my way back to where I was before getting sick, and I think I did a fairly good job at it, despite not posting here every day. There’s even a new page on Meals with Morri, one I am particularly excited to make a place of information and growth.

In between my moments of angst, frustration, and little pity parties, this is probably the best week of sleep I’ve had in… months? Years? I can’t even remember the last time I’ve slept past 5:30 in the morning. But this week, I’ve been waking up after 6:30, a personal triumph in my sleep maintenance insomnia.

For now, I want to talk about comfort, and fulfillment, and presentation.

There are some foods out there that don’t look particularly glamorous or are especially difficult to photograph. I personally have the darnedest time taking pictures of beverages and condiments. Maybe it has to do with the settings on my camera that I haven’t fully mastered quite yet, or maybe it has to do with the containers I put them in, but some foods need some help in looking delicious.

Beverages, dressings, and condiments aside, pilaf is the perfect example of this.

Pilaf is a class of rice (though not always) dishes found all over the world. It is found in the Middle East, South and Central Asia, and terms for [rice] pilaf are found in Mandarin, Danish, and Greek. It’s the sort of One Dish Wonder food that can have all the fixings: grain (typically rice), meat (at least, a protein), fat, fruits, and veggies. It is closely related to the Spanish paella and Creole Jambalaya, two dishes that are definitely on my “To Make” list. Oh, and biryani, how could I forget?

Pilaf is the ultimate comfort food: nutritionally balanced, texture and flavor diverse, and able to feed a ton of people in one batch. It’s not the prettiest thing in the world, I know, but it’s one of the most adaptable and economical dish there is. Pilaf is the sort of dish you could have every day and every day it would be a little different, one that could feed a family that needs that kind of security.

This recipe is all about its personality, and not necessarily how it looks on a plate. So go on, make some pilaf/plov/pilav/pilafi. I guarantee a feeling of contentment, fullness, and leftovers for the next few days. 

Turkey Quinoa Pilaf

252 g Dry white quinoa
750 ml Water
20 g Dried parsley
20 g Fresh basil, finely chopped
1.25 lb. Ground turkey
120 ml Pino Grigio (or water, if you prefer)
30 ml Unrefined apple cider vinegar
1 White onion, finely diced
1 Carrot, finely diced
1 Celery rib, finely diced
4 Garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 Ginger chunk (about the size of a garlic clove), finely chopped
113 g Canned fire roasted green chiles
1 tsp. Sea salt   

Prepare the quinoa with the 750 ml water and cook as you normally would prepare it, either in a rice cooker, pressure cooker, or a large pot.
Fold in the parsley and basil with the cooked quinoa and then set aside.
In a large skillet pan on medium heat, generously grease the bottom with your cooking oil of choice (I used coconut oil), and cook the ground turkey until it is browned.
Add the remaining ingredients to the skillet until softened and remove from the heat.
Fold in the turkey mixture in with the quinoa thoroughly.
Serve warm as part of a salad with lettuce, tomato, feta cheese, avocado, hot pepper, cracked pepper, and your choice of an acidic vinaigrette.

Serves 6 – 8.

Reaching Acceptance & Letting Go

It was three-thirty in the morning when it happened. That same clawing hunger that I thought I’d tempered came back with a vengeance. And it doesn’t just come at three-thirty; sometimes it happens at two. Has it been weeks since I’ve slept over six hours at one time, or months? Regardless, I haven’t slept a full night for quite some time, simply because the hunger pains are relentless. It’s like all I do throughout the morning is eat, and then after dinner before bed I eat. I eat and I snack and I graze. I feel like a black hole that’s always empty, or a pot that never fills, even when you’re making rice for the whole family. 

It's never enough.

I eat and I eat and I’m frustrated. Actually, I’m not as frustrated as I was on Monday (or on Wednesday, when I started writing this post), but still I’m frustrated.

A couple of weeks ago I received a letter from my doctor regarding the bone density scan I had done in February. The results weren’t alarming, but they weren’t rays of sunshine either: my bone density was below average.

I remember watching the machine scan my hip, and how humbling it was to see my bones on the computer screen. It occurred to me how little I thought of what was under the skin, the muscles, the veins, and the blood. Beneath all that I never considered how real my bones were, how instead of being the body of a small universe there were these white masts I used as foundation. It was so grounding a thought that when I received that letter, I felt unreal, deflated, like I could feel the very things that were my foundation giving in to the weight of what it held together.

I was no longer immortal, and I was suddenly aware of my humanity.

The results could have been worse. They could have shown that I had the bones of a one-thousand-year-old mummy with no way of fixing it. Instead, it just merely pointed out that my bone density was below average, and the good news was that there was treatment. (The Doctor had mentioned that too much Armour Thyroid could cause bone loss; however, I think my low bone density was the consequence of years of disordered eating.) So with that in the back of my mind, with some of my early hypothyroid symptoms returning and being Hungry with a capital “H”, you can see how it can leave a girl frustrated.

The hardest part for me is not knowing why I am so hungry, and whether is has to do with: my thyroid condition or some other health factor I haven’t considered (hypoglycemia, mineral/vitamin deficiency, etc.); my fitness regimen of exercising six days a week; or, even with additional meals and snacking, I’m still not eating enough.

And there is the matter of considering that it’s all three.

I usually get emotional when I talk about having a hypothyroid condition. I feel really vulnerable when I do, and that is probably why I don’t write about it very often on Meals With Morri (I’ve talked about the treatment, but rarely the condition itself and how it affects me). I am not the condition, and I don’t view it as part of my identity as a person. There are days, however, when I can’t explain this overwhelming fatigue or when I’m suddenly intolerant of the heat or the cold. I get embarrassed of my cold hands and the yellowish hue when both symptoms flare up. I get discouraged because of the added complications that make it harder to keep weight off or lose weight in general. The biggest fear I’ve had as of late is if I eat more, despite my very active lifestyle, I’ll become the next incarnation of Budai (without the jolliness). 

(source)

So this week I’ve been experimenting by writing out what I’ve been eating, taking my pulse before I go to bed and after I wake up, and working on balancing my active lifestyle with my calorie intake. I’m still waking up early, and I weigh no more than I did when I was weighed before my bone density was scanned. But if getting my bones in tiptop shape means weighing more, or if eating enough to sleep a full night in peace means I am destined to weigh (on average) 125 pounds, I accept those terms.

To be honest, fighting your body for what you believe to be best is hard work, especially when there is more than one way to being right. I could fight (and have been fighting) against my health’s shortcomings or I could work with them and accommodate those needs accordingly.

I’m done being my worst enemy, and I’m finally ready to be my best friend. I’m ready to work with my whole self to finding what works and what doesn’t work for me. Sure, I may get frustrated and I may have days when my symptoms flare up. And yes, there will be days I think it’s unfair that I can’t wear a size 4 dress. But having the health that I have has taught me the importance of pacing myself, being honest, going with the flow, and to never give up trying. It shows how marvelous life truly is in all of its twists and turns and complexities.

I may have gotten up earlier than I wanted to today with a sniffle and a sneeze, and I may have “a rumbly in my tumbly” like a certain Silly Old (Taoist) Bear, but I smile and I enjoy the beautiful spring day as it is.

And really, that’s all we can ever ask for.

Simply Green Brown Rice

360 g Sprouted brown rice
500 ml Water (or more if you want a creamier consistency)
15 ml Unrefined apple cider vinegar
3 tsp. Minced dried onion
1 tsp. Sea salt
1/2 tsp. Herb de Provence
1/4 tsp. Whole cumin seeds
1/4 tsp. Cracked pepper
1/4 tsp. Dried tarragon
1 bunch (126 g) Curly leaf parsley
Juice of 1 Lemon
30 ml Olive oil

1 Lemon, cut into wedges and served as garnish

Combine the rice, water, vinegar, and spices into a pressure/rice cooker or medium saucepan and cook until the rice has softened and taken a creamy consistency (time will vary based on how you usually prepare brown rice and how much water you put in).
Place the parsley, lemon juice, and olive oil in a food processor and pulse until the ingredients form a pesto-like quality.
Fold in the parsley mixture with the rice, and then serve warm with the lemon wedges on top.

Makes 8 servings.

Fitness Progression & Bread Rising

This has been quite an interesting albeit exhausting day, and I’d thought I’d share a few things before I went to bed. Besides successfully baking a "dark" version of Irish Soda Bread, I have also modified my fitness regimen. Running and rock climbing each three times a week has really brought a positive change in my physique. When the boyfriend visited over the weekend, he (and others) couldn’t help but notice my legs getting firmer. When we went rock climbing with his brother at the SportRock in Sterling, I successfully completed trails higher up and harder than the ones in Alexandria, trails I’d never climbed before.

At some point, however, I felt that something was missing in my routine, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I mean, I had the upper-body workout with the bouldering and the aerobic/lower-body work out with running, so what else was there? For many months, Cheryl had been asking whether or not I’d considered yoga, mostly for stress relief but also for days I didn’t feel like running or rock climbing. Mama Dazz was also flabbergasted by my hesitation, because I took Kundalini Yoga in college and loved it. After four days of yoga at least once a day (each only being a couple of minutes long), I’ve noticed significant change in my arm strength, my balance, my breathing, and my focus. Even better, my dear readers, is that I’m sleeping and sleeping well.

(source)

After adding yoga, my stress level has decreased and I’m not randomly hungry throughout the day. And when I do eat, I don’t have the desire to continue eating after I am full. I can now look at remnants on a plate and save it for a later time. It’s only been four days, but I’m rather happy with the progress I am making.

Now, about the recipe.

On Saturday I attempted to make Irish soda bread for that night’s family hullabaloo, but impatience and uncertainty got the better of me and I took it out too soon. Part of it had not finished baking and it fell apart. This is one of the few recipes I actually used a mix (part of it was King Arthur’s all-purpose gf flour mix and another was a various combinations of flours I pre-made), but I thought the taste was that of soda bread. And a note to all of you if you don’t have buttermilk or yogurt on hand, goat milk works very well for it.

Determined, I decided to try a different recipe for Irish soda bread from Williams-Sonoma's Cooking at Home (2010, p. 430), one of my go-to cookbooks these days. I was inspired to make the “dark” or brown version of Irish soda bread, something with a molasses color and flavor. Naturally, I looked to teff and I was ecstatic of its success.

This bread can be made the night before, but if you are going from fridge to the oven, you need to add ten minutes on your cooking time (I found it easier to mold it in the desired shape, plus lightly carve a small cross on top for ultimate leavening… and to let “little people” out). If not, simply baking it at 425ºF for 30 - 35 minutes as the cookbook recommends. Also, this is the halved version of the recipe, and it still turned out wonderfully. To double, add an additional gram to the oats (45 g), flaxseed meal (15 g), and yogurt (375 g).

Brown Irish Soda Bread

180 g Teff flour
22 g CGF rolled oats
7 g Flaxseed meal
3/4 tsp. Baking soda
1/2 tsp. Sea salt
30 g Unsalted butter, chilled
187 g Greek yogurt, full fat

Preheat the oven to 425ºF.
In a food processor, pulse the teff flour, oats, flaxseed meal, baking soda, and salt until just combine.
Cut the butter into eight pieces and scatter throughout the dry ingredients.
Press the “pulse” button again ten consecutive times until the mixture resembles a coarse meal.
Add the yogurt and blend the ingredients as evenly as possible, until it forms a ball.
Chill covered up to thirty minutes or overnight, and then turn out the dough with your floured hands onto the baking sheet lined with parchment paper you intend on using. (The dough should be soft to the touch).
Flatten the ball into a 7-inch dome and, using a sharp knife, cut a shallow “X” from one side of the loaf to the other.
Bake 25 – 30 minutes, or until there is no give on the crust in the center.
Transfer the loaf to a wire rack to cool slightly, then serve warm.

Makes 1 loaf. Serves 4.

Missing my Kitchen Groove

After the various “Oh, crepe!” moments mentioned in my last post, you could say I’ve lost my groove in the kitchen. Z from Z’s Cup of Tea called it her “kitchen confidence”, and I could relate to what she was going through. My various pancake recipes smoked up the house. My experiments lacked something crucial in every recipe I tried. Multiple meals stuck to the bottom of the pan. Even my fitness regimen seemed to be lacking something.

"You threw off my groove!" (source)

I don’t think I’ve lost my kitchen groove (mojo, confidence, or whatever floats your boat), but it has been misplaced and I miss it terribly.

Despite being thrown off my game, I do what I can to remain positive. For instance, my runs seem less exhausting, and although my face is often the color of a sunburned tourist who couldn’t tan to save their life, my breathing is less haggard and I’m running faster for longer periods. As for rock climbing, I seem to have hit a wall (ha.), but I can go up and down E4s – E6s in seconds and I’m falling significantly more gracefully than before. There’s a V0 that requires transferring from one wall to another with a protruding corner, and then using that wall to get to the incline with the remaining holds to reach the top (this is the same one that I fell off of and my chin and chest collided with each other) that I want to conquer next week. That, and the E5 right next to it that is similar in difficulty, only without an incline.

Anyway, it’s Sunday. It’s daylight savings. We’re one hour closer to next week, and one hour closer to getting my groove back. In the meantime, I want to share a lunch I had earlier in the week that’s high in protein, keeps you full, and isn’t wasteful of leftover batter.

I was intrigued by Ashley’s use of leftover French toast batter and turning the “cinnamon eggs” into scrambled deliciousness or a fruit-filled omelet with yogurt on top. Still in a crepe-y mood, I wanted to embody that waste-not mentality. Thus, after lightly breading egg washed chicken tenders in almond meal, I combined the remaining amounts of both and turned it into a wrap for my chicken, green beans, and leeks.

Garnish with tomatoes, and you’re good until dinner.

Almond Meal Omelet with Chicken Tenders, Green Beans, & Leeks

3 (187 g) Chicken breast tenderloins
1 (52 g) Egg
52 ml Water
25 g Almond meal
Pinch of salt
85 g French cut green beans
50 g Leeks, thickly sliced

Preheat the oven to 350ºF.
Cook the green beans and leeks together until tender over medium heat and set aside.
Mix together the water and egg thoroughly to make the egg wash, and set aside in a bowl.
Pour the almond meal in another bowl of the same size and also set aside.
Generously dip the chicken tender meat into the egg wash and transfer them to the almond meal to cover with “breading”.
Lay them on a baking pan lined with greased tin foil and bake for twenty minutes*, flipping them over midway (you can also pan-fry them, in which case the oven is not needed).
Combine the remaining egg wash and almond meal together, and place a skillet pan (or in my case, a cast iron griddle pan) over medium heat.
When ready, grease with your cooking oil of choice and cook as you would a crepe (the crepe is very delicate, so I found it handy putting it under the boiler instead of flipping it).
When cooked all the way through, plop the crepe onto a plate, line the center with the greens and the cut up chicken tender pieces, and cover the edges.
Garnish with tomato wedges and your favorite savory condiments like sour cream or mustard.

Serves 1.

*Note: the meat came out a tad dry, and I'm not sure if it had to do with me leaving them in the oven after it was turned off or if it needed something else to keep it moist. Thoughts?

A Week of Goals and the Ultimate Socca Indulgence

To start off the new week in an awesome manner, I have listed a few goals I want to work on to further my positive growth:

• Match my eating habits to my fitness regimen (No. 1 priority)
•  To get plenty of rest, i.e., 8 continuous hours of sleep (No. 2 priority)
•  Continue running (3x) and rock climbing (3x)
• Don’t take things too seriously and be flexible
• Keep up with my something-nothing philosophy
• To not spread myself too thinly
• Be there for myself, to be loving and not judgmental or critical
• Work on my resume and seriously look into jobs

As I don’t really have much of a story, I figured I’d post about my weekend in the form of photos...

... and a recipe. I was inspired by the Pure2Raw twins Lori and Michelle's vegan Tiramisu Pancakes, and I instantly thought of socca. They love socca. I love socca. And this recipe was the next logical step forward to combining two great ideas.

Socca Tiramisu

120 g Garbanzo bean flour
60 ml Coconut milk
60 ml strong coffee, chilled or room temperature preferred
120 ml Almond milk
10 ml Unrefined apple cider vinegar
1/2 tsp. Sea salt
1/2 tsp. Baking soda
1/2 tsp. Coconut oil
Stevia, to taste

Click here to see how I usually prepare socca. This ranges from two to four servings, but I halved the recipe to make one large “pancake” with a cast iron griddle pan.

After it is cool enough to handle, slice the socca into quarters and stack the triangles on top of each other.
Smear the top with an extra helping of refrigerated coconut milk, which has the consistency of a soft whipped cream (though I think it would be absolutely fabulous to have between every single layer).
Garnish with cocoa nibs and a drizzle of maple syrup as garnishes.

Makes 2 sweet indulgences. Serves 2 – 4.