Returning from Summer Break Mode

It’s funny. You would think that, following summer school and not working since the beginning of July, I’d be posting recipe after recipe after recipe. Funny, truly, because I was suddenly thrown a curveball of free time and I had no idea what I was going to do about it. Free time was something of an unknown thing to me, something I haven’t experienced in quite a while and, apparently, desperately needed.

I traveled a lot in July and August. I went on so many adventures and did so many things. What I didn’t do, however, was write down recipes or photograph finished plates. It was time well spent and it wasn’t recorded.

So here. The weekend before my last fall semester of grad school and I try to fill in the blanks of over a month of silence. I have new things to share and new recipes to try. Secret projects are still being worked on under the Meals with Morri banner, and secret they shall remain until they are completed. There is love and there is grief to express. There is perspective and there is uncertainty in the months (and possibly years) to come.

One thing is certain, dear readers, and it’s that Meals with Morri is changing. It was always intended to be an outlet, a way of sharing my ideas, art, triumphs, and stories. On the other hand, I have always been hesitant to share my beliefs about where food comes from and ethical sustainability, about global nutrition and the human condition. Meals with Morri will be home to these ideas as well, which have nothing to do with recipes and everything to do with society and politics.

This summer was a true break, one where for the first time I removed the world from my shoulders. Stress is a sickness that can destroy you if you let it, and for once I am sleeping. For once I’m not everything for everyone, and it is a glorious feeling. 

I write this as a way of stating that yes, I am alive (wonderfully so) and that I am evolving (as is Meals with Morri), that I am here and that I’m not going away.

September is the start of something new for this site. Be prepared for the shift.

The Birds and the Trees

A couple of years ago, I rescued a nestling from one of my cats. Miette (i.e., the Abyssinian Ninja Assassin) has this habit of coming to the kitchen window with something in her mouth, sometimes alive but usually not. I’ve seen it all: mice, voles, huge insects, and small birds barely contained in her small mouth. She likes chasing dogs, and her battle cry sounds like a banshee wail whenever another cat enters her territory. She has food sensitivities like I do, but whenever she brings something alive home I do what I can to rescue them from an otherwise dreary fate. It's not like she eats them, anyway...

I appreciate the birds that roost in our trees, especially as they sing their songs in the morning when spring comes around. In my opinion, it's a pleasant alternative to a beeping alarm clock scaring you awake.

This nestling seemed to be learning how to fly and hadn’t quite gotten the hang of it when Miette chased it into one of our yucca plants. I get a rush saving other things from the feline authoritarian regime that runs our house. After I put Miette inside, mad that I ruined her fun, the bird sat on my knee, trusting me enough to close its eyes after such an ordeal. And finally, as I had an amazing summer day ahead of me, I put it on a branch and wished it well.

I still look back on that memory fondly. Not the killer Abyssinian part, mind you, but the part about watching the bird’s inactivity and savoring the calmness of the moment shared.

Two Fridays ago I fell and bruised my tailbone (a nicer way of saying I fell on my butt) so badly my entire spine was affected. The initial bruise a few inches below the inflamed tailbone was black, and sitting upright and lying down hurt like no physical pain I’ve ever encountered. The funny thing about back injuries is how unaware until that moment how much you use your back, and how much energy it takes healing such an injury. The initial shock left me feeling fragile and vulnerable, and for one brief moment I could relate to the terror of a nestling that fell from its nest… or a tree that had been uprooted without care. Such trauma brings out pain from other places, and what is a tree without a sturdy trunk but sticks and leaves and not much else.

When I hurt my back, I was uprooted and had to reconsider so much about myself. Why do I have to be overactive and stressed out to feel like I’m actually doing something useful? Why do I not savor the breaks in the day and enjoy inaction as it was intended? For what it seemed like an eternity since the last time I relaxed, I slept and ate and dealt with my insecurities in quiet contemplation without distraction. And I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this, but as my stress levels went down, so too my tolerance of it.

Sentience is too fragile and vulnerable to be in a constant state of stress, and regardless whether or not my injury was a divine intervention or a “sh*t happens” occurrence, I received the message loud and clear. My body is not impervious to injury, and thriving on stress can only take you so far. But there is strength in being uprooted, because it gave me the mindset to evaluate all the traumas and dramas I had experienced up until this point. It sucks, royally and painfully so, but it is necessary and liberating to not hold onto them anymore. Luckily, despite being uprooted (or having fallen from the nest), I’m healing quite nicely and actually have the energy to make recipes happen.

With all this talk of birds and trees, I felt it was appropriate to share my version of peanut butter Easter nests. These were my only favorite Easter sweet besides the solid chocolate rabbit as a kid (I had an aversion to Peeps). I loved the confection’s combination of sweet and savory, creamy and crunchy, peanut butter and chocolate, and I wanted to recreate a healthier version of the treat to indulge when a craving struck. They turned out so well, I brought them to one of my graduate classes along with my Early Grey shortbread for my colleagues to enjoy. Not only did they enjoy them, they wanted the recipes for both!

It’s the little things that make bloggers happy.

No-Bake Bird Nest Cookies

68 g Puffed rice cereal
252 g Honey (or maple syrup)
192 g Creamy peanut butter (salted)
15 g Hulled hemp seeds
15 g Cacao nibs
15 g Toasted whole flaxseeds
25 g Unsweetened shredded coconut
15 g Sesame seeds
Thompson raisins, optional

Place the dry ingredients in a large bowl and set aside.
Combine the honey and peanut butter in a small saucepan, and cook over low heat until melted and the edges begin to bubble slightly, stirring until smooth.
Pour mixture over the dry ingredients and thoroughly coat using a silicone spatula or a wooden spoon.
Using a tablespoon (you can guesstimate with your hands too, but I felt this was a less stickier alternative), form mixture into tight balls using 1 heaping tablespoon of mixture per ball.
Make an indention in center of each ball to resemble a bird’s nest, and place them on parchment paper to cool and set completely.
Place two or three raisins or other egg-shaped candies into each nest.
For storage, stack them in an airtight container in layers with parchment paper in between to prevent sticking and staling.

Makes up to 30 cookies.

Going with my Gut

Grad school started this week. That’s nine credits closer to getting my Masters. That’s three classes to take and three days of studying to focus on. I’ve started 2013 strong, and I am enjoying the little changes that have occurred since New Years. 

The only hindrance that has kept me from complete happiness has to do with the return of my IBS. Experimenting with Primal eating gave my digestion a run for its money, and as a result my body tried to remove the toxicity through my skin (acne), my emotions (depression and severe criticism on my body), my attitude (irritability and constantly thinking about going to the bathroom), the return of my sleep maintenance insomnia, slight but painful UTIs, and physically in general (bloating, water retention, and fatigue).

I do want to comment that Primal eating was not the direct cause of my IBS. In fact, it had to do with my lack of good stomach flora that was mediocre at best from years of disordered eating, getting sick, and not feeding the flora with probiotic foods. For a while I believed I simply had a candida overgrowth, but I don’t think that anymore.

I am now under the impression that my stomach doesn’t have much flora at all, the good kind or the candida kind.

Partially I was taking too much of a good thing. For the majority of December I was getting over a terrible sick spell. There were days I had a fever over 101°F, and walking down to the kitchen left me breathless and exhausted. So I took as much zinc and iodine as possible to get over it, and sure enough the fever subsided and I could go to work and rock climb a week later. However, with everyone else getting sick, I continued to take iodine to protect myself, an antibiotic and serial gut flora killer (good and bad).

For a month I was beside myself, because I had no idea what I was doing wrong. I was craving honey like no tomorrow, and regardless how much I rock climbed or ran around with the kids, my body was not toning as I expected it to. My face had broken out as it had back when I was a pre-teen, and my hormones were part of one manic roller coaster ride. By this time I was desperate to try anything, and it was an “aha!” moment that changed everything.

Before anything else in regards to my health, I needed to fix my gut first.

I first showed improvement by increasing my daily intake of probiotic foods: kombucha, goat kefir, raw unrefined apple cider vinegar, and raw cacao nibs. The first two were easy to put into my daily routine in the form of smoothies, and I always put apple cider vinegar on my salads. The cacao nibs have become a new after dinner dessert, but I enjoy the indulgence. I went food shopping at MOM’s one day to purchase one or two more probiotic yumminess when I stumbled upon miso… soy-free miso. 

Since reading Katz’s Wild Fermentation, I’ve wanted to make soy free miso and tempeh. And here it was in MOM’s refrigerated section next to the bulk items, singing  “try me, try me”.

I just want to say this: I’m in love with azuki bean miso. And what’s not to like about the salty and sweet flavor combination, with over one million enzymes of probiotic goodness in every teaspoon? It’s ridiculously versatile and delicious and amazing for you too. 

Soy-free Mushroom & Onion Miso Soup

1 Q. Water
25 g Dried mushrooms*
4 Large onions, thinly sliced
64 g (4 tbsp.) South River Azuki Bean Miso**
10 g Dried sliced brown seaweed

In a medium saucepan put the mushrooms in with the water to soak for fifteen minutes until plump.
Plan on medium-high heat and add the onions and cook until translucent and the mushrooms are soft.
Turn off the heat and add the seaweed and miso, and stir to make sure the miso has thoroughly integrated with the broth.
Ladle into four small bowls and serve hot.

Makes 4 servings.

*Using dry provides a more meaty texture to the mushrooms. However, I’m sure fresh will do nicely (about 125 g).

**Or whichever miso you like/have at home.

Not Quite the Caveman

My experiment with going Primal for "Good Nutrition Month" ended after three weeks. I couldn’t tell you when exactly it went awry, but I could tell you something was wrong before my birthday, and probably as early as a week into the dietary lifestyle change. All I know is I am honoring "Good Nutrition Month" by switching back to my old routine, though I still feel a little guilty not keeping it up for another week. 

When I said going Primal isn’t as difficult as you think it is, I truly meant it. For one, three weeks of no legumes, grains, no coffee, and limited fruit/sweetener intake was a challenge and an interesting way of evaluating my past and present dietary lifestyle. I was disappointed that my body reacted the way it did, as I was so excited to be part of the modern caveman experience, to positively figure out what my body needed in order to do what I wanted. I gawked at many of the people who ate this lifestyle, the majority who were “strictly” Paleo/Primal while others used a creative license (but nonetheless have a less-processed ethical-omnivore way of looking at food), and I was inspired to do the same. They were the epitome of "healthy" in my eyes, absolutely and marvelously in shape and beautiful in every way possible.

So I took out legumes and grains and incorporated raw and cultured dairy products. I went through the first week craving fruits and eating a ton of almond butter, followed by my appetite beginning to finally subside and mellow. The removal of coffee and the addition of progesterone to my hormonal therapy followed. Throughout October and part of November did I realize I was back to using food and exercise as a means of controlling my body to balance the uncontrollable situations coming at me in waves. With that came terrible IBS upset, intense intestinal distress, and shifting from one emotion to another in a matter of seconds.

I do not believe going Primal caused this imbalance; rather, I think doing too many good things at once finally caught up with me and turned sour. I do believe going from legume lover and grain glutton to “Me, Caveman. Four-leg, Dinner” overnight is not particularly smart for someone whose body stresses with immediate change. I do believe this experiment was worth it, and encourage people to try new ways of eating (safely and for the right reasons). And above all else, I do believe in honoring what my body tells me. When it says "enough", I listen. 

I loved making Primal meals, and I look forward to making them again. Perhaps two of the three main meals and all snacks throughout the day will have Primal tendencies. Perhaps four days out of the week will hold true to Mark’s Daily Apple “Primal Blueprint” movement while I enjoy huevos rancheros, overnight oats, socca, and legumes on the other three. I give what my body needs, and for the moment it needs gluten free grains and peanut butter. 

November Reflections: Grain-Free and almost Stress-Free

I had so many blog posts I wanted to do, explicitly focused on my birthday, my talk with Cheryl, my grain-free week, and a few recipes as well. But life had different plans for me, and for the first time I am totally okay with it.

Ostkaka: my birthday "cake"

My birthday week was quiet. So quiet, in fact, that it went by in a blur of rain, school, and work. Both my Anthropology teachers canceled their classes on my birthday (divine intervention, perhaps) to attend conferences in Montreal and New Orleans, so I spent my day doing absolutely nothing. And as I mentioned before, I’ve been trying out the grain-free, one fruit a day (not including the lemon water I use for drinking down FiveLac), and no additional sweeteners, I didn’t have a cake specially made for the occasion. I did, however, have a piece of ostkaka I made on the 14th to celebrate Sweden’s “Day of Ostkaka,” a food holiday established in 2004. Oddly enough, it was the same “cake” I had in Sweden for my birthday last year.

I miss those times. I really, really do. My last semester of school had left me a stressed, anti-social mess, with a sore throat and a dry cough that finally went away after two (plus) weeks. I would have loved to go out on my birthday with the people I’ve been neglecting, but I was just so tired that all I wanted to do is sleep. I thought it was the whole grain-free thing, but really I was underestimating just how compromised my immune system was with the getting glutened-flu double whammy hullabaloo.

For a while I was still getting headaches, though the FiveLac keeps me from being hungry an hour after eating a full meal. I can wait until after six to eat dinner instead of having to eat right at five. My digestion is doing awesomely, and I think my hormone imbalance is leveling itself. I thought I had to increase my Armour Thyroid to 90-30-90 due to the emergence of previous symptoms (i.e., lower body temperature, cold hands and feet, yellowish palms and fingertips), but after acknowledging the headaches being stress related (and also for thinking too much) they’ve miraculously gone away.

Grain-Free "Granola" Bowl

As far as drastically changing my diet for the long term, Cheryl recommends I get tested for Candida until I officially go down the ACD or SCD route. For now I like being grain-free, white carb-free, and eating one fruit serving a day (most days). I’m noticing that I’m not as hungry, I’m fuller longer, and for the first time this Sunday I was actually hungry.

Interesting, isn’t it? Instead of eating when I was hungry I was eating because I was programmed to eat at a specific time. There is a difference to a hungry stomach and a stomach experiencing discomfort. For as long as I’ve been blogging, I ate to feed the headaches and I ate after eating to feed the “hunger” pains. After this weekend, filled with a family meditation seminar, the headaches went away and I slept. I mean, I actually slept in a way I thought was lost to me. Before the meditation I thought I had been too grounded to let go of all the stress. I am feeling more in my body than I have for two years. My hands are finally warm, and school (and graduation) isn’t so scary anymore.

With two weeks of school left after Thanksgiving weekend, I am definitely looking into doing Kundalini yoga again. Being grounded is at the heart of being healthy. And if I’m going to change the world and nourish the people in it, I have to live by example and nourish myself. Since I've returned to running and working with the munchkins at the community center, I need to be eating more than I have been if I don't want any more zombie nightmares. It's day four of warm hands, so I must be doing something right.

The Bento Box Snapshot: Turkey, White Bean, and Quinoa Chili Verde

Yesterday my evening class was canceled, so I was able to come home for dinner and my Bento box was lovingly put in the refrigerator. It just meant I had a lunch already prepared for today, which is great because I tend to get hungry between 10:30 a.m. and 1:10 p.m. (the same time as my three-hour CAR Integration class). And since I’m feeling significantly better than I did this time last week, I think I’ll be going to the gym for an hour afterward. Along with the chili I cut up some veggies and corn tortillas and packed my daily apple and spirulina-nut butter spread combo (as well as a can of wild salmon in case I'm still hungry).

Despite my being a week behind schoolwork, everything is still merging into something wonderful. For one, I can see the floor of my bedroom and my desk is almost completely cleared off. For another, my life after college is coming into focus. At this point, because some crucial grades from my time in Sweden have still not transferred, applying for Grad school may have to wait. I had intended on starting immediately after graduation, but I think the Cosmos is trying to tell me something, and it's something along the lines of taking things slow and to enjoy the ride. Maybe I’ll apply to the various research assistant positions at the USIP or work at a restaurant to learn the tools of the trade. Maybe I’ll join the ranks of some bangin’ NGO or create my own non-profit. If Grad school wasn’t meant to be in January, I’m sure August will be a different story. It’s all about adaptation and timing.

I do my best to stick to other people’s tasty recipes (heck, my own), but sometimes I either don’t have a particular ingredient or don't have enough of it, and I tend to add and subtract others as I go. Sometimes it doesn’t go as I expected it to, but usually the result is extremely delicious and post-worthy. The philosophies found in cooking can be relative to those in life. So if something just isn’t going to happen no matter how hard you try or want it to, find something that will. You can always go back to it when you’re ready.

This Bento Box Snapshot comes with a recipe. It must have been Monday (getting sick turns days into one consecutive day) when I decided to try my hand at white chili, but ended up adding more chili powder than I had planned to and turning it flamingo pink. So it wasn’t white chili by definition, but it was very different than the chili we usually make. It wasn’t exceptionally spicy though there was a nice kick from the jalapeño and green chile, and there was a delicate sweetness the cut-up apple provided to balance it. The tomatillos that I replaced the tomatoes with gave it a green undertone beneath its pinkish coloring, and the ground turkey made it light but still comforting to the tender stomach. It also was a great dish to use up all that leftover quinoa we had.

Turkey, White Bean, and Quinoa Chili Verde

 3 tbsp. Olive oil
1.25 lb Ground turkey
2 lb Tomatillos, coarsely chopped
24 oz Water
1 can (15 oz) Pinto beans, drained and rinsed
1 can (4 oz) Fire roasted diced green chile
1 Jalapeño, seeded, veined, and coarsely chopped
1 Red onion, julienned and finely chopped
11 oz (2 c.) Cooked quinoa (you could also use rice, millet, pasta, etc.)
1 Sm. Granny Smith apple (about 4.5 oz cored), finely chopped
1 tbsp. Chili powder
1 tbsp. Crushed garlic
1/2 tsp. Sea salt
1/4 tsp. Cracked pepper

In a large mixing pot, heat the olive oil on medium-high and separated the ground turkey into chunks as it cooks.
Add in the remaining ingredients (or cook up some quinoa if you don’t have any on hand and put it into the pot when it’s done), and let it simmer on medium heat for thirty to forty-five minutes.
Serve in your favorite large drinking mug or soup bowl, and garnish with your choice of cheese, fresh salsa, herbs, and finely chopped sweet onion or shallot.

Serves 6 – 8.

The Mediterranean Table: Hummus

It’s my first official week as a free woman. Free from studying and papers and campus life. Free from exams and classrooms and PowerPoint slides. Summer vacation is here, and everyone I know and love has gone back to their lives outside of school, where family and internships and summer jobs await them.

Last week was a medley of deep thoughts and philosophies. I kept thinking how I seemed so detached and isolated from my life back in the states since Sweden. I was invited to parties and other fun activities, but for some reason I didn’t end up going. I spent my weekends at home with the family instead of on campus. As awesome as my roommates were, they had their own lives to attend to and were rarely at the townhouse. The off campus housing community wasn’t as close-knit or as lively as I remember it being my first and second semesters at Mason. I spent the majority of this semester either at home, in the classroom, or alone with my thoughts.

As mentioned before, I was accepted to be part of a wonderful program this summer. The meeting held on Monday was quite intimidating, but a learning experience. For one, I am the youngest member of the team, and the only undergraduate among them. The rest are either entering the S/CAR Masters program, are in the Masters program, or on the road to earning a PhD. These people knew what they wanted to do with their degree, knew exactly their point of focus. And here I was, one semester shy of graduating, and life has so many options to choose from I’m getting lightheaded just thinking about it. But from this meeting I learned something about myself, something I didn’t realize to be a true-blue term for what I’ve been going through.

The term, my friends, is reverse culture shock.

There are two elements to defining reverse culture shock: one, an idealized view of home and two, the expectation of total familiarity (that nothing at home has changed while you have been away). Typically students coming home from being abroad are able to pick up from where they left off. Only when their reality is not meeting their expectations is there a problem. The four stages of RCS are disengagement, initial euphoria, irritability and frustration, then readjustment and adaptation. In a matter of nine months I had to move in and out of places seven times, so I don’t think I’ve felt settled since last summer. Much is changing, and friends are off in their own realities that seem farther away then they were a year ago. My outlet for my isolation and estrangement has been making meals for others. In the kitchen, as I prepare a bowl of this or a plate of that, I know that I’m important, that I matter. Cooking has been my way of feeling stable in a world that kept going after I left and came back.

Being abroad really shifted my priorities. I love traveling, and I still do, but I’m done with packing and unpacking every few months into another place. I want stability, a place that I (and a select few of my extended family) can call our own for as long as we wish. I’m done with my life being in boxes, of feeling like a part of me has been put on hold in my attempt to get back into the groove this side of the states grooves to.

This weekend I overexerted myself to feeling like a valuable part of the household by cooking, after three exams and moving out of the townhouse in a matter of hours. We had a close family friend stay with us, and I was determined to do my part to make her feel welcome. Since she is from the Mediterranean, we typically go to a bakery that supplies Mediterranean favorites: pita bread, hummus, baklava, and various teas. But I wanted to make some of the things we bought from scratch, just to see how it would turn out.

And let me tell you, homemade is always better than store-bought, especially when you make it gluten free.

These next few posts will give you a taste of what was on the dinner table on Friday, what was made fresh on Saturday, and what was still enjoyed on Sunday. The beauty about Mediterranean cuisine is how easy, refreshing, and filling meals can be.

Hummus

2 15 oz cans Garbanzo beans, drained of excess water
2 Lemons, juiced
2 tbsp. Olive oil
5 tbsp. Tahini
3 tbsp. Filtered water
1/4 tsp. Cumin
2 dashes Sumac
2 dashes Garlic powder
1/4 tsp. Pepper
Paprika and sesame seeds, for garnish

In a food processor (or blender), combine all the ingredients until thoroughly combined.
If you want it smoother, add more water or tahini.

Makes a heaping bowl of the stuff.