The Goodbye Post

Five years.

That's how long Meals with Morri has been "active", with a few hiatuses in between. It has recorded the process of my healing, from disordered eating to an underactive thyroid finally catching up. It has shown what five years looks on a growing and changing soul. It has seen the ending of my first ever serious relationship, and the beginning of a relationship that continues to this day. That relationship has resulted in the journey of changing my name, and preparing for the hurtles of finally closing the distance once and for all. Oh, and being married. ;)

 

This blog has recorded my reactions to change, the good and the hard. It has shown me the beauty of working with your weaknesses, and in doing so, giving yourself the slack you deserve for not being perfect. I've lost friendships, both from the realities of growing apart... and mortality.

Five years I wrote about being a Gluten Free Blogger. I wrote about my career focus shifting to food security. I wrote about my travels. I jotted down recipes, some that I've gone back to, but most of them shared because, hey, the Internet is about sharing information. 

I changed my body on multiple levels, working out obsessively, and then calming down. Rock climbing has become my physical activity of choice, but I don't concern myself with being the best. I finished school, worked Pro-bono, and got my first Big Kid Job. My view of the world broadened. My acceptance of crap did not.

Over the last year I considered how Meals with Morri could evolve, and quite honestly, nothing was fitting. Nothing felt right. I think it's time I hang up the Gluten Free Blogger identity and move on to other things that excited me. 

 

I am extremely grateful for what this journey has shown me. I've met so many influential people in the sustainability movement, and my relationship with food has developed beautifully. Five years of traveling, cooking, and eating. And for those who have been part of the this journey with me, thank you... for everything.

With love,

Morri

Finals, Goodbyes, and Yeasted Waffles

Two exams down. Two more to go. Both are today, and one is within an hour.

The end of the school year has been one heck of a roller coaster ride. One week, I feel on top of the world, attending classes and going to the gym. The week after, I’m like my fellow peers, tearing out my hair because it seems like I can’t hold on to the information I learned in my classes or textbooks.

Last week I wanted to try grain-free eating, which turned out to be a big mistake on my part. When you have a hypothyroid condition and you’re gluten free, you need those nutrients found in grains to be happy, healthy, and whole. I managed five days and by the end of it, I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world while sleepwalking through the day. I couldn’t study. I couldn’t read, even for recreational purposes. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t blog. It was awful.

I admit it; going grain-free during the last week of school was a bit much. Plus, with the sadness of the boyfriend leaving for his internship on Saturday and the stress of moving out of campus housing… there’s only so much a Morri can take in a week.

There are upsides to this post, however. After IB left that morning, the family met up later in the day for some good ol’ family hilarity. We talked around the table, passing meade clockwise, and I cried a little. I will (and do) miss him, but I believe he will be simply amazing this summer in Texas, and will learn a lot about himself. I couldn’t be prouder, Love.

That is why I made him waffles that morning. Yeasted waffles, actually; a breakfast I’ve never tried before, even with a mix. I may have been burnt out to do anything school-related, but in the kitchen I was at peace.

As for going grain-free, I think having recipes under this category (much like vegetarian, vegan, SCD, ACD, and paleo), are great to have throughout the day, sometimes for a day or two to cleanse your system. But as far as being grain-free for every meal, I think I’ll stick to what works best for my body and have the gluten free “grains” I love.

Overnight Yeasted Waffles (adapted from Annie Eats)

4 oz Warm water, about 110ºF
2.25 tsp. (or one packet) Active dry yeast
16 oz Whole milk, warmed
4 oz Unsalted butter, melted
1/4 tsp. Sea salt
1 tsp. Agave nectar (or whatever sweetener you prefer)
5 oz White rice flour
1 oz Millet flour
1 oz Amaranth flour
1 oz Buckwheat flour
1 oz Cornmeal, finely ground
1 oz Almond meal
2 tsp. Vanilla
2 large eggs, separated
1/4 tsp. Baking soda

Combine the water and yeast in a large mixing bowl until the yeast has fully dissolved.
Add the milk, butter, salt, agave nectar, flours, and vanilla, mixing by hand or with an electric mixer. Note: the batter will be runny but will thicken over time.
Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and let sit overnight on the counter. (It will rise significantly, with a loose spongy texture, and will fall slightly.)

The next day, preheat the waffle iron.
Also preheat the oven to 200ºF and place a plate in the center. (This is where the waffles can be kept warm until you are ready to serve them.)
Just before pouring the batter, add in the baking soda and egg yolks until completely integrated.
With an electric mixer or by hand, whisk the egg whites into soft peaks and fold into the batter.
Cook the waffles via the waffle iron’s specifications. (I had to grease the waffle iron before every pour to keep the batter from sticking.)

Makes 24 individual waffle squares. Serves 4 – 6 people.

"I Wish You Well" Chocolate Shortbread Cookies

I’m not a big fan of goodbyes. I’m a “hello” person; that’s what I do best. I would prefer a greeting embrace to a farewell kiss any day. Even “See you later” is better than goodbye.

 I believe Charles M. Schultz summed it up rather nicely:

"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together?  I guess that wouldn't work.  Someone would leave.  Someone always leaves.  Then we would have to say good-bye.  I hate good-byes.  I know what I need.  I need more hellos."

So when it comes to me and goodbyes… I’m not a big fan.

(source)

It’s possible that people don’t really like the concept because that indicates a change in their lives. People can say goodbye to people, to ideas, to places, to beliefs. We hold on to things that are comfortable, and when it’s time to let go, sometimes we’re not ready.

I’ve also noticed I am more sentimental in my goodbyes when I don’t know someone particularly well or recently got to know them. You know these people; they’re in your life right now. They are blurred in the beginning, merely part of the background. But then, something brings them into focus, and you’re wondering why in the world you never noticed such a cool person before. And then… then they have to go. Their absence can be as short as a few hours. Their absence can be as long as eternity. Maybe they have a different class schedule. Maybe they are in a different country or continent. Maybe they’ve passed.

A goodbye is a goodbye is a goodbye. Regardless of the flavor, the majority of the time it isn’t pleasant.

But that’s not to say you can make it easier on yourself and on the other person (or place or thing). When I learned a classmate in my community conflict resolution class was being deployed, I was saddened. He was the second person to tell me that within thirty-six hours. Despite the politics and the conflicts with the war the U.S. and the Middle East are in, real people are suffering. Real people are having to say more goodbyes than one should in a lifetime. Sometimes, it’s a permanent one.

I don’t think anything is going to happen to my new friend, but I was still rather distraught to hear him leaving. He has that charm that makes everyone around him smile, and he is very easy to talk with. We talked about the Sufism and Mu'tazila philosophies and how it was possible to follow both. We talked about Islamophobia and what he did in the military. He's a talker, this one.

But that's what I like about him, and I look forward to his safe return.

“May the sun shine, all day long,
everything go right, and nothing wrong.
May those you love bring love back to you,
and may all the wishes you wish come true!”
~Irish Blessing

In fact, to ease the goodbye process (for me) I told him I wanted to make him something and asked him what he would like. He, knowing about my gluten free lifestyle as well as this blog, told me he wanted cookies.

“What kind of cookies?” I asked. 

“Chocolate,” his reply.

So I looked to Ruhlman’s book, not necessarily reading the fine print about how this was a shortbread cookie recipe and it didn’t spread. Meaning, the first batch were rolled into balls, thinking that they would. About one-third in on the cooking time I pulled them out of the oven and smooshed them down with a spoon. 

The result? Meh…

I tasted them and realized they were much too dry, likely from the cocoa powder. I didn’t want to give him a mediocre cookie. I wanted to give him something that he would enjoy, not just the sentiment behind it. So the next batch I tried unsweetened baking chocolate... and pressing them down before putting them into the oven. ;)

The result? Totally “See you later” worthy.

(I also want to give a shout-out to my awesome Daddy-O for getting me an electric mixer for Christmas. It really helped make these cookies spectacular and look forward to future recipes using it.)

"I Wish You Well" Chocolate Shortbread Cookies

2 oz Agave nectar
2 oz Coconut oil, room temperature
2 oz Baking chocolate
1 Egg
1/8 tsp. Salt
1/2 tsp. Baking powder
1 oz Peanut butter
1 oz Quinoa flour
1 oz Amaranth flour
1 oz Arrowroot
1 oz Buckwheat
1 oz Millet

Preheat the oven to 350°F.
Combine the agave, the coconut oil, the egg, the peanut butter and the baker’s chocolate until thoroughly mixed.
Fold in the dry ingredients gradually and mix until a uniform dough is combined (note: the dough will be rather sticky, but will easily form).
Using a tablespoon-sized measuring spoon, roll the dough into balls and place on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, and press them down to the thickness you want. 
Bake until cooked through, about 15 minutes or so (note: because there is relatively little fat, these cookies will not spread out as they bake and will have a satisfying crunch).

Makes 12 cookies.