One Year Closer

I did it. One year of grad school over, and another to follow. I don’t like to think about it very much, simply because the idea of leaving academia in search of a career scares the heck out of me. School was my only focus for months, and as a result my work at the community center suffered, as did my overall health and social life. I wrote my final papers and proposals in a haze of fatigue and tear-filled vision, my walls finally crashing down and hard. How long have I been like this, you ask. Too long, dear friends. Too long.

The Meals with Morri front page was up on the screen of my laptop on a daily basis yet untouched, a neglected hobby you once couldn’t tear me away from. At one point I had so many recipes and photos it took, I kid you not, weeks to get them all down. It’s been over three weeks, and not one recipe was recorded, with only one meal photographed. I didn't even celebrate my site's second anniversary back in April. Something was seriously wrong. 

Mother's Day Dinner: Grilled scallops & crispy polenta salad

I don’t take the idea of depression well. It’s a phenomenon that happens to other people, whereas all I experience is a funk that won't go away. All the stress and the obligations and the things I simply wasn’t doing were purposefully replaced with over-activity and worrying. I wasn’t eating enough, sleeping enough, or being enough… and people noticed. All I wanted to do was sleep and read, a red flag telling me to slow down if I ever saw one. But I didn’t slow down. I just kept going and going and going.

I know I said I wouldn’t use the “h-word” early on in my writing, but I’m using it now. I hated it. I hated that I couldn’t do it all. I hated that people and activities I loved with every essence of my being were left in the dust while I scrambled to make everything work. The past wouldn’t stay where it was, and the future was a mixture of uncertainty and terror. Never mind the present, I said to myself, because if I work my butt off now I will have everything in place for later. That’s the thing about time, though: it’s always the present.

So with summer school starting next week, I’ve decided to change my focus. I’m not working at camp this year, sadly, but I will have the energy to get through school and also spend these months being with friends and family, starting new hobbies, and going on adventures. 

After all, Life isn’t about how much you do but how much it means to you doing it.

Finals, Goodbyes, and Yeasted Waffles

Two exams down. Two more to go. Both are today, and one is within an hour.

The end of the school year has been one heck of a roller coaster ride. One week, I feel on top of the world, attending classes and going to the gym. The week after, I’m like my fellow peers, tearing out my hair because it seems like I can’t hold on to the information I learned in my classes or textbooks.

Last week I wanted to try grain-free eating, which turned out to be a big mistake on my part. When you have a hypothyroid condition and you’re gluten free, you need those nutrients found in grains to be happy, healthy, and whole. I managed five days and by the end of it, I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world while sleepwalking through the day. I couldn’t study. I couldn’t read, even for recreational purposes. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t blog. It was awful.

I admit it; going grain-free during the last week of school was a bit much. Plus, with the sadness of the boyfriend leaving for his internship on Saturday and the stress of moving out of campus housing… there’s only so much a Morri can take in a week.

There are upsides to this post, however. After IB left that morning, the family met up later in the day for some good ol’ family hilarity. We talked around the table, passing meade clockwise, and I cried a little. I will (and do) miss him, but I believe he will be simply amazing this summer in Texas, and will learn a lot about himself. I couldn’t be prouder, Love.

That is why I made him waffles that morning. Yeasted waffles, actually; a breakfast I’ve never tried before, even with a mix. I may have been burnt out to do anything school-related, but in the kitchen I was at peace.

As for going grain-free, I think having recipes under this category (much like vegetarian, vegan, SCD, ACD, and paleo), are great to have throughout the day, sometimes for a day or two to cleanse your system. But as far as being grain-free for every meal, I think I’ll stick to what works best for my body and have the gluten free “grains” I love.

Overnight Yeasted Waffles (adapted from Annie Eats)

4 oz Warm water, about 110ºF
2.25 tsp. (or one packet) Active dry yeast
16 oz Whole milk, warmed
4 oz Unsalted butter, melted
1/4 tsp. Sea salt
1 tsp. Agave nectar (or whatever sweetener you prefer)
5 oz White rice flour
1 oz Millet flour
1 oz Amaranth flour
1 oz Buckwheat flour
1 oz Cornmeal, finely ground
1 oz Almond meal
2 tsp. Vanilla
2 large eggs, separated
1/4 tsp. Baking soda

Combine the water and yeast in a large mixing bowl until the yeast has fully dissolved.
Add the milk, butter, salt, agave nectar, flours, and vanilla, mixing by hand or with an electric mixer. Note: the batter will be runny but will thicken over time.
Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and let sit overnight on the counter. (It will rise significantly, with a loose spongy texture, and will fall slightly.)

The next day, preheat the waffle iron.
Also preheat the oven to 200ºF and place a plate in the center. (This is where the waffles can be kept warm until you are ready to serve them.)
Just before pouring the batter, add in the baking soda and egg yolks until completely integrated.
With an electric mixer or by hand, whisk the egg whites into soft peaks and fold into the batter.
Cook the waffles via the waffle iron’s specifications. (I had to grease the waffle iron before every pour to keep the batter from sticking.)

Makes 24 individual waffle squares. Serves 4 – 6 people.